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terribly anxious about upcoming assessment

saccharinedreams

I'm finally getting assessed in 17 days and I'm overwhelmingly anxious. I know some people say it's fine to just show up and talk, but I desperately feel the need to prepare. I currently have a six-page document I wrote up today that I will be refining and editing over the next few weeks, hopefully with the help of my therapist (she is the one who insisted I seek a diagnosis in the first place). I'm just so nervous. I worry that I'm both not saying enough while simultaneously saying too much? I don't want to approach this assessment with the mindset of "seeking a diagnosis" (in the sense that I don't want to feel like I'm trying to manipulate the person into diagnosing me), but I also don't want to not give the full picture? I'm also worried that I'm going to bring this long document with all these notes and I'm going to be laughed out of the room for even thinking I have autism? So many thoughts are going through my head right now and they're all so overwhelming. 

Additionally, they gave me a questionnaire to have my parents (well, in my case just my dad bc my mom is dead) fill out. My dad is annoying and did not want to just fill it out himself and had me ask him every single question over the phone. I didn't even ask all the questions because I was getting irritated by his answers. His perception of my childhood and my actual experiences are night and day. I'm worried his answers are going to override what I tell the examiner (or whatever they're called), especially since they didn't give me any sort of questionnaire to complete myself. So, I fear I'm going to be going into this with them going solely off of what my dad says and that will screw me over. In his eyes, because I always got good grades and am smart, I'm totally fine. He continuously chalks every problem I have ever had up to my mom being sick for the first 11 years of my life and then passing away. My social anxiety? It's because my mom was sick. The fact that I'm 21 and have no friends and have never been in a relationship and am incredibly behind on a variety of other social and romantic milestones? It's because my mom was sick. I have no emotional regulation and have frequent meltdowns (screaming and crying) and shutdowns? It's because my mom was sick. My knee hurts? It's because my mom was sick...

Can someone give me some reassurance or advice? I feel like I'm losing my mind. And sorry in advance that this was so long...

  • in reply to saccharinedreams

    Maybe a document with bullet points could be helpful?

    I also was nervous before the assessment but being the way I am I even told them what points about me I think do not fit an autism diagnosis! I also thought I had forgotten to tell them half of my issues. All this made to difference and the assessors both agreed on the diagnosis.

    I really like 's point about using the experience even if there is no autism diagnosis. For me personally, disclosure did not turn out well. So, I have cut the label autism again from my interactions, and just tell people: "This is a wonderful party and I really enjoyed it but my social battery is running low quickly. I need to sleep. You have a beautiful evening." Or: "Can you explain what you mean by this? I do not really get humour". Honouring and expessing my needs has made a big difference to my qualitiy of life and one doesn't need an official diagnosis for that.

  • in reply to saccharinedreams

    They will just ask you loads of questions simple as that it go quite fast , think the turn around is 20 days was with me 

  • in reply to saccharinedreams

    You be ok people always said I was different or odd but being autistic just makes me different and different good . I do believe it makes us special . The reason why you think it is all your head is that we over think things it’s a trait and do believe it gives us certain skills that others don’t have .

    dont stress Pray

  • in reply to saccharinedreams

    That was the way I felt too. I did get diagnosed autistic. They don't necessarily need your life history, just examples from your childhood where it shows that you were struggling in situations where a neurotypical person wouldn't. People get diagnosed where their parents are not around to fill in forms for the assessment. They should look at you as a person and should not let your father's answers unduly influence their decision. You can tell them that you feel he didn't give an accurate account of your childhood.

    You can bring your document with you, to refer to it if you wish. I kept my notes on my phone and when they asked a question that I felt I had a relevant answer for, I used them to jog my memory.

    This is a stressful time, try to take care of yourself and if you can, give yourself some space to process things. Hopefully you get the answers you seek. Even if they do not think you meet the criteria, there is nothing wrong with using the information you have gained to give yourself some grace. If, for instance, you find wearing noise cancelling headphones helpful, then you don't need an autism diagnosis to do that. 

    However, I realise that is not particularly helpful if you end up not getting a diagnosis and it makes you feel like you are just a failed example of a person (my words, for me). That was absolutely my own worry.

    Sending good thoughts for the next few weeks. If you have any questions, I'll be happy to try to answer them.

  • in reply to Star

    What if my life doesn't get any clearer though? What if they tell me I'm not autistic and all my problems are just in my head? Maybe it's just my personality that sucks? I feel like my entire identity is hanging in the balance...

  • in reply to kringledoon

    So, should I not bring my document with me? I struggle with speaking "off the dome" sometimes, especially when I'm nervous or anxious, and I'm worried that I'll forget to tell the assessor everything. 

  • You be fine they ok they make you feel at ease, they will notice things about you that are traits and you never knew your self . One good thing about my assessment it brought me and partner closer she always known I was different but not in a bad way . It just makes me unique she says . Life will be clearer when you get assessed

  • If the people doing the assessment are properly qualified, they will have encountered all types of family situations and will not base their assessment on your father's replies. Any family information is just a small piece in the overall picture they are trying to get.

    In preparation for the assessment, I went through some lists of what can be issues for autistic people and noted down the different ways that these had affected me. This was for preparing myself, not taking the document into the assessment room.

    My suggestion is to approach this with curiosity. Hope you find some calm before and maybe even some fun in the assessment. I enjoyed mine. Finally an opportunity to talk about myself for hours.