I want to be 100% completely honest, this weekend has seen me go through an incredibly difficult period of time transitioning between 2 depression medications, both of which were the strongest I've ever took. Part of the transition was spending a week on half dose, then a week nothing, before beginning the new course. Saturday night I literally didn't sleep a wink, the negative thoughts coursing over and over and over again were relentless, normally having the TV white noise in the background allows me some peace while I sleep, but this weekend it didn't even come close.
Thankfully this morning I feel better, but the nightmare which was this weekend did make me think about some things (and somethings far too much!!!)
Brexit was one of those things.
****My hand on my heart, please please be kind, this issue caused me so much sadness this weekend, although I tell myself the opinions of strangers on line shouldn't hurt me, unfortunately on many occasions they do. But my curiosity on this issue after this weekend is so great I wanted to ask the question of my Autistic Brethren and Sistren****
Brexit
The time it came to vote, I was unsure which way to vote. My first thought was remain, then I switched to exit, then back to remain - I oscillated quite awhile just on instinct. Then I thought I'd do it sensibly and did a Google search. I can't remember my search terms in 2016 but it was something along the lines of "reasons to stay in the EU" or "arguments for and against leaving the EU". The search reflected my own thoughts at the time - neutral. As I remember, I couldn't find anything which presented an argument for staying. It was a long time ago and not something I committed to memory, but I seem to recall something in a well respected MOR broadsheet which came from a time pre-Brexit debate 2014ish, along the lines of "Greatest Things to come out of EU membership". The only thing I remember about this list, was that it was filled with niche projects and ventures like "The Wool Museum Gateshead" and nothing really presented itself as a reason why remaining was a good thing.
I voted Exit, as the small majority of UK citizens also did.
Since this decision I've felt personally ridiculed, insulted, accused of racism, unkindness, it's just been culturally horrible.
I think it's an autistic thing, in taking accusations like this very seriously, very much "to heart". I think there is an area to look at more in terms of autism and "mockery", both in the awareness and sensitivity many Autistic people feel, as they have experienced much of it during formative years of school so the hard mechanical memories of it happening is raw, as well as the technical aspect of processing ridicule in terms of the neurodiverse mind. There's a lot to unpack.
So what do I want from my message board comment? I don't know!!
But I suppose comfort, possibly hearing from someone that no matter how they voted, they can believe that you can be a good person regardless.
I feel anger as well, I don't want to, but when I see Have I Got News For You or any other UK TV programme, any comedic comment centres around "If you voted Brexit than you're a ******* **** (audience laughs)" and there's never any neutral voice, there's nothing other than cruelty. I think the rationale is EVERY single person who voted Brexit is a horrible racist narrow minded bigot so they deserve what they get.
I feel this accusation, even though I've spent my morning working with a young Somalian refugee who doesn't speak English in order for him to understand how to register his benefit details on his App so he can avoid getting into trouble. I care for a living, I help for a living. That is my chosen identity, that is who I want to be.
When I think about Brexit, I just become really churned up inside, the whole attitude towards it seems so bullying and unkind, I can't stop thinking about it without descending into sadness. Yes, I acknowledge a lot of my feelings today are drugs based (or lack of drugs), but was wondering our the NAS community felt about this?
