Diagnosis in a 50 year old male.

Hey there JMC,

I'm sorry I'm not going to answer your question  but I am going to bounce one straight back at you - what was it that led to your relatively late diagnosis.

Having only got diagnosed this year myself at the age of 46 I'm interested in peoples journey.

The reason for which is because my own lack of understanding of why I am, why we are - and how we do it, is just so undefined, hearing about others lives in details helps me, just by hearing struggle, plan, solution.

I'm happy going first, I used to be defined by depression.  I've had so much therapy and medication, even going into our local "mental health medical unit" on a number of occasions trying to work out why I hated living so much.  One throw away comment from a nurse put me on the path to formal diagnosis - since then, I happily identify as Autistic.

(In my work in education, I have met many parents who are fearful of labelling their child as "autistic" as if it's on the same scale as "sex offender"!! But for me, never before has the cliché of knowledge being power been more true)

So what's your story up until today?

It came about after some individual counselling sessions which i was trying to do some work on why i cant express how i feel and the challenge that places on a marriage. My wife has been an advocate for therapy over the years and i decided to give it a go but something wasn’t dropping.  I very much struggle with understanding and empathising with emotions,  since covid it has definitely become worse in becoming more insular and routine driven with all my work moving online as opposed to face to face.  I noticed i hated the camera being on in zoom sessions and also on family FaceTime so started to turn it off on all sessions.  I feel more anxious and in a constant state of alert as opposed to depressed and do feel slightly better sine the assessments highlighted some traits. 

It came about after some individual counselling sessions which i was trying to do some work on why i cant express how i feel and the challenge that places on a marriage. My wife has been an advocate for therapy over the years and i decided to give it a go but something wasn’t dropping.  I very much struggle with understanding and empathising with emotions,  since covid it has definitely become worse in becoming more insular and routine driven with all my work moving online as opposed to face to face.  I noticed i hated the camera being on in zoom sessions and also on family FaceTime so started to turn it off on all sessions.  I feel more anxious and in a constant state of alert as opposed to depressed and do feel slightly better sine the assessments highlighted some traits. 

That's interesting.  Have you felt post diagnosis that there have been any useful pieces of information you've picked up on?

Have you read anything about Autism yet?

I can recommend this book by Tony Atwood https://www.autismforthvalley.co.uk/files/5314/4595/7798/Attwood-Tony-The-Complete-Guide-to-Aspergers-Syndrome.pdf

It's a useful combination of current science, historical accounts and quotes from people with Autism.  The latter part I found the most enlightening, I read it with a notepad and jotted down certain things as were interesting.  One of which was something along the lines of

"...it took me years to realise normal people could experience more than one emotion at once, for years I refused to believe it was possible.  But now I understand it's a part of many peoples lives they never question"

It sounded like it was important, but crucially I didn't understand what the person meant.

About a week later the penny dropped when I was speaking to her, and she was talking about her father in hospital.  She was talking about what an absolute piece of XXXX he was, that he was violent, mean spirited, a real XXXX job.  But then ended it by saying "...but I still love him though, he's my Dad".

For me, no.  That man sounds like a complete XXXX, he can die in hospital, wouldn't bother me.  But that's me!!!!!! I can only have one emotion at once!!! It dawned on me why that was so important now, it described something I'd heard before "what can you do they're family" sentiment. I've never got that before, but now it made sense in a Autistic kind of way.

So anyway, is there anything you've learnt so far about yourself?