Mum neurodivergent

Hi, I have a mum who i believe is neurodivergent.She was never diagnosed, she is 80. 
all my life i have been aching for her love and affection but in reverse she claimed i was the cold one. I have noticed that she goes into crying and gets really upset (her blood pressure goes up etc) if i say anything she might find uncomfortable or upsetting.She could never be there for me. Everything was always and still is, about her. I am trying so hard to understand her but more and more i came to think she might have autism. So much of her behaviour i see in my teen son who is diagnosed with asd&adhd. Its like they think the same way and act same too.

i am finding it triggering when his behaviour reminds me of her and I don’t want him to notice that. I want to be the best mum i can.I am a single parent and finding it challenging tbh.

any one out there who was diagnosed later in life? Anyone who has similar experiences?thank you