This is what I told my only friend when she described me behavior and problems of her younger sister. I know her younger sister since late teens, my only friend I have is my age, her sister is 2-3 years younger than us. Long time ago, when we spoke, she told me she is worried because her sister was bullied at school and someone wanted to beat her. My experience was very similar. Her sister also struggles with eye contact, also has sensory sensitivities (in her case she hates water and probably has fibromyalgia) and has special interest (anime) and struggles socially, stims with her hands and does the rocking, can sit hours alone in the room on a computer. When the three of us met, I felt she is very much like me and felt comfortable in her presence which I told my friend. She seemed a bit jealous or just my impression.
Her sister struggles much more than me, she got a diagnosis of schizophrenia and got meds and stayed whole month in psych hospital where she met a good friend. Before that she migrated to Germany but failed, being abused and taken advantage of. She lived in other town than where I live, she doesn’t speak any foreign language, so I helped her on WhatsApp a bit with finding some place to stay etc. Now she is back home and sorting out in her life. I don’t wanna interfere, but I kinda feel for her. Recently my friend on the phone told me, that her sister is stupid and not suitable to live independently. I started crying when I heard that because this is the very same thing I heard from my family. I wanted to scream: she is not stupid! She is autistic! Stop saying such things.
but I remember Paul Micalleff in his channel “Asperger from the inside”, he said don’t try to diagnose anyone from afar if you are not a licensed mental health professional, even if the person is showing obvious signs of autism, this may cause more harm than good. I totally understand it, I myself remember the meltdown I had after realisation. I can imagine hers, I definitely don’t wanna be responsible for anything she could have done in affect if she find it out from someone like for example me. The only thing I told my friend was: she is not stupid! She is very sensitive as needs to do things her own way. Please be compassionate and support her.
My friend was also stunned how I understand the way of her sister’s thinking. I’m sorry it’s a long post, I can’t stop thinking about her sister. I wish her all best and I hope that now her life will be better. If anyone read it, I would be happy to hear some suggestions how else I could explain things to my friend about her sister without mentioning about autism.
