Struggling to find employment

I’m my country to get a job you don’t need necessarily skills and experience. Which I have. In my country employers look for 1) good looking young people 2) assertiveness and self confidence 3) of course team players. You have to be excited about working in the dynamic young team. I was always sick when I saw that, these perfectly smiling faces etc. I was told i have to go to see more people, meet people, I was pushed there and forced to lie on the interviews that I like it. But I’m a terrible liar I can’t actually lie, it’s visible on me immediately. So the only opportunities I had there was McDonald’s or cashier in supermarkets. I failed as a cashier and had panic attacks in that noisy hell (McDonald’s). I thought I was a total failure. Only here in Germany my boss seemed to not look for self confident model on high heels, but someone competent who will do the job. The mentality here is different. I’m happy because I have fixed working hours, I have fixed tasks and I work both - in the office and warehouse which is good for my health. I think I had both - luck and also a good idea, how to develop, study etc. 

I love the German way of life. Seems like it would be an easier place to live

In some ways it is. Here people are not so judgemental or at least where I’m living. They are more open to diversity. Many LGBT people from my country came here and are also happy. As I’m in a mood for drawing today I drew a picture about best employment for me. And maybe not only. Whenever I see the “young dynamic team” and smiling faces  I feel sick. 

Er, not that the young bit could apply to me these days! Unless it meant the team’s inauguration was recent! Which also doesn’t appeal much - give me my hard won and long established familiar set-up any day… the alternative would be, well, unthinkable. 

You’ve no idea how much your drawing helped me at just the moment I needed it! Thank you! I could feel a familiar spiral of obsessive thought take hold and I needed exactly your picture to make me step out of that and know myself again, the person who must never get pulled into majority ‘shoulds’ of my health will suffer. Bless you! 

You’ve no idea how much your drawing helped me at just the moment I needed it! Thank you! I could feel a familiar spiral of obsessive thought take hold and I needed exactly your picture to make me step out of that and know myself again, the person who must never get pulled into majority ‘shoulds’ of my health will suffer. Bless you! 

Er, not that the young bit could apply to me these days! Unless it meant the team’s inauguration was recent! Which also doesn’t appeal much - give me my hard won and long established familiar set-up any day… the alternative would be, well, unthinkable.