Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi all,
I just joined this group to try and find some help and resources for my older daughter. We've not had a formal diagnosis for yet, but she's 18, and as a family, we have long suspected she may be on the spectrum. She is gifted academically and has always felt more developmentally advanced than her peers, which is where the problems come in. From primary school onwards she has struggled to make and maintain friendships and has low self-esteem as a result. She has self-harmed in the past.
We were really hoping that university might bring about a change and that she would 'find her people'. She started uni in September and this has not been the case. She has been through about 4 different 'friend' groups, with the same result: it starts well enough, then after a week or two, she gets ditched: they start making arrangements without her and ignoring her messages. Currently, she goes to classes, goes to the gym, then back to her room, alone. It's heartbreaking.
I've searched up the uni's autism support services this morning and it looks like they have some good resources that may help. But if anyone can give me some advice about what next steps we should take, I'd be most grateful. If you have any questions about our daughter that you feel might add context please ask.
TIA!
Sorry to hear that. Here are some ideas:
Recommend this forum to her - she can read about the experiences of others, including older women like me, ask questions and hopefully feel part of a group.
See if there are any meet up groups for autistic adults in her area.
Find out if there are any special interest groups she can join, either in uni or outside, such as a chess club, walking group, music/art/drama groups or classes, etc, whatever takes her fancy, then she will have a common interest to discuss with others in the group, which may facilitate friendships.
I hope things improve for her.
Hi Pixiefox,
Thanks for responding! I think she would really benefit from joining a group where people understand her more and she doesn't feel pressure to be 'normal'. A big part of the problem, I think, is that she tries too hard, it comes off as fake, and she gets rejected. And then the rejection triggers a social anxiety, which in turn makes her try even harder and the cycle goes on and on. I feel terrible because we promised her at school that it would get better at sixth form, and then it didn't. And we promised her it would be better at uni, and so far it hasn't been. Each stage of her life has been waiting for the promised land of the next stage of her life and it has been a false dawn each time. I just want so much for her to be happy.