Published on 12, July, 2020
I’m trying to look for some advice or maybe just to vent about something.
Im really struggling with family relationships and expectations.
In the past I have been really close with my grandparents and use to see them every week with the rest of my family. However since covid we stopped going round every week and more recently because my nan has been unwell.
to cut a long story short, she’s been recovering from an operation and i’ve only seen her a few times since.
i struggled before with what to say and get really awkward socially with family (and mainly everyone). i was made to feel bad and got labelled as scared when i hadn’t gone to visit her in hospital. i mainly hadn’t gone because i was anxious about the train and other unpredictable aspects of travelling and the hospital. i’m not sure why i felt so anxious and worried about going to visit her, even now, i’ve had a few anxiety and panic attacks about it.
i’ve thought about it and it’s not because im afraid to see her ill or wondering whether she looks ill as i’ve seen her a few times and she doesn’t look much different. i think im just really struggling on what to say. i never know what to say in situations like that, like do you ask how they are even though it’s obvious they aren’t ok? i never know how to respond either when people talk about themselves and their pain etc.
i feel like a horrible person for avoiding seeing her and try to make excuses on why i can’t go.
does anyone else struggle with this?
Relationships don't have to be about sitting down for a visit. Our feelings may sometimes be expressed by our acts. Is there a favor you could do for your nan? Could you bring her a favorite meal, help clean up around the home, or run errands for her?
I used to have an aunt who felt lie a 2nd mother to me. Both she and her husbnd worked long hours. One ay while visiting over the weekend from college, I decided to clean house and to make dinner so that when they got home, they'd have a nice suprrise. Our relatiionship really changed for the better that night. Whereas before I think they had only opened their home to me out of a sense of obligation, after having surprised them with a lasganga in the oven and a clean home, they became much more warm and friendly.
that is a really good idea thank you so much. i might try and see if i can visit with someone else like my brother to make it less awkward. i'm not sure on what i could do around the house or meal wise as she isnt eating much and my grandad mainly looks after her. but i will definitely consider your suggestion thank you!