Lonely no friends

Hi,

I’m posting this because I’m trying to find people who are similar to me. I didn’t get diagnosed with autism until I was 17 I’ve always known there was something different about me but due to the way I was raised I suppose I am “high functioning” I was able to fly under the radar and people just assumed I was shy or lazy maybe anxiety until I went to the doctor myself and got a diagnosis.

I am now 19 and last year I lost my only friend, this is a big deal for me because I have always had at least one close friend I’m not used to being this alone, I’ve always had someone to talk to even if they didn’t understand or thought I was weird. All of my friends have only lasted a couple of years before ending, something always ruins it and it’s incredibly isolating seeing everyone around me thrive socially while everyone I’ve ever been friends with always ends up hating me for reasons I don’t understand, I want to know what I’m doing wrong so I can fix it, I don’t want to be like this.

now I’m just alone too disabled or mentally ill to have a job or go to collage. I’ve literally just been rotting away in my room alone for over a year now. I feel like I am missing out on my life, I got kicked out of school at 16 because to my poor attendance, school was incredibly hard for me due to my undiagnosed autism and other mental health problems so I feel like I can’t even connect to people my age because they’re all getting jobs and starting their lives as adults and I’m just left behind because I can’t fix myself. my interests aren’t even similar to anyone around me in real life, I guess I’m quite nerdy and yeah finding people with my interests online is easy but i feel like I can’t properly connect to people even if we like the same stuff they only like me on a baseline level and as soon as they get to actually know me they think I’m weird I’m always the “weird friend” and no one cares to actually get to know me on a deeper level, it’s also very hard for me to open up too people it takes years for me to actually be myself around someone without overthinking everything I do. I’m also trans and queer so that adds an even greater struggle to making friends  

so yeah I guess I’m looking for people who have had similar experiences or struggles as me so I can connect with people who understand me. I don’t usually post things like this as I hate opening up and being so personal like this but I’m at that point where everyone I have spoken to about this has told me to go to autism support groups this is my last option so hopefully I can make friends and feel as if I’m actually living my life and not feel as if my entire life is on pause. 

I’m from Glasgow Scotland btw

- H