Published on 12, July, 2020
In brief iv been ill 8yrs with moderate to severe M.E, and in April 2023 became bedbound.
In 2022 mu son (20) was planning to go to uni an hour away which meant he could come home as much as he wanted. However that year he developed severe noise sensitivity and his behaviour change. He caused son damage and wouldn't let us in his room. My partner took the door off (I did not condone this) and mhe had a major meltdown and caused damage to the bathroom. He has selective mutism but has not spoken a word since. My partner wanted him out and gp etc said call the police. To avoid all this I checked he wanted to still do uni and hoped this would save him from being thrown out. After his 1st Yr he wanted to come home and partner said no. At this point i became bedbound (im still bedbound now)and my son stayed on at uni. Its been difficult since as I don't see him much and he shuts down a lot. However I reported concerns to uni in June and the did referral to social services and in Sept this Yr they told me he had failed Yr 2 and didn't want to carry on. Also his anxiety is preventing him going out at times so je is deteriorating. Iv begged my partner to let him co.r home while I help find him suitable accomodation and he won't let him come home. At present he is waiting for ss meeting. I'm worried sick and frightened they won't help him or he be housed miles away. This last week he has gone quiet again which might impact the meeting as he is not responding to them about so.e details. I rely heavily on my partner for care and financially. I want to be there for my son. I honestly don't know what will happen and I don't know what to do. Any advice please x I have another son in uni who is waiting and assessment and he's been at him over the summer because he couldn't get a job during to social skills so he went back to uni because it was so bad for him here.
I’m sorry - both you and your son are vulnerable in different ways and it must be so hard for both of you. Would it be possible for the three of you (you, your son and your partner) to have a meeting where you draw up a plan with some clear red lines for if he returns home? A sort of ‘family contract’ so you can rebuild some trust between you? And also for your partner to give you the reassurance you need - you seem insecure about his complete support towards you?
I am sorry that you have been caught between your partner and your son. Since I do not reside in the UK, I am unable to provide any advice regarding local assistance.
In the United States, we sometimes have group homes. The problem for us is that we don't have a national health care system. Each of our 50 states has varying degrees of health care. Some of our states have assisted living facilities for autstic people while others do not.
I recently read a sad article about how one severely autistic teenager was jailed because there were no care facilities to put him in. Since this young man had a temper and tended to assault people when he got upset, the police had no choice other than to jail him.
If your child is homeless, it might help if you did an internet search for homeless shelters and soup kitchens for his local area.
Hello NAS86105,
Thank you for sharing this with the community. I'm sorry to hear that you are experiencing this with your son. You may find it useful to have a look at out social care pages for more information on support available: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/social-care
All the best,
Chloe Mod