I apologise for the length of this post, I am struggling with what I am told is normal and I don't know how to address it, or if I should post it here.
I am 54 and I was diagnosed about 3 years ago. I am a councillor on my local Parish council. I love the role of helping my community and solving problems. I Previously was a police officer and was medically retired after an assault which left me in a bad way, plus I was unable to mask the autism as I was previously.
I started as a councillor just over 12months ago. The council was in a bad place but we ended up starting to change things for the better. I am quite rigid in my approach to things and when something is not done as the rules state I struggle. But people don't like me pointing out breaches in rules or policy. I am told we work in a grey area.
I started having meltdowns after meeting. There are a few things that caused this. First noise, I can't stand the noise of people talking over one another. This was addressed by people raising their hand to speak and it was managed by the chair person. In addition I struggle with the language certain individuals use in email and to my face. Other councillors have said it is passive aggressive. I don't understand that.
Then in one meeting the clerk pointed out we had been breaching a financial policy. I asked why it has only just been brought up after we have given £1000's I got a shrug of the shoulders and everyone wanted it brushed under the carpet. I can't do that as rules have been broken.
I get emails from the clerk I am told I misunderstand and that the clerk speak like that to everyone (Passive aggressive) I find it hard to understand and find verbal communication easier.
I am in a position I feel I am wrong because I can't ignore breaking rules and that I can't just ignore the way I am spoken to. I feel it is just me being bullied and she only speaks to me like that. I am then made to feel stupid because apparently everyone recieves these types of email.
I have approached the chairperson who told me it is because I have had "a lot to deal with." I then sent an email explaining why I have these meltdowns and could we make any adjustments to enable me to carry on as I love the role. The reply ignored any adjustments and said we are all different and this difference is a positive thing we should embrace.
I thought the best way is to use voice notes via what's app it is encrypted, so private and I wouldn't have the issue with printed emails. In meetings I now have my assistance dog and people direct questions through the chairperson. I have agreement to leave the room and or use earphones.
After all that. Is there any advice anyone can offer? Can I ask for these things as reasonable adjustment? Otherwise I will have to leave the council. What and who is the best way to approach this? I feel out of control and isolated as I am causing problems. Does anyone have advice about dealing with breaking rules, it is a big part of my life and I don't understand this grey area.
Thank you in advance
Nicholas