please, anyone, share your experiences! I found the whole marriage thing exhausting enough, but since I had 2 kids - life became IMPOSSIBLE... I never even wanted kids...and still don't...
please, anyone, share your experiences! I found the whole marriage thing exhausting enough, but since I had 2 kids - life became IMPOSSIBLE... I never even wanted kids...and still don't...
Lipgloss said:thanks all ! well, he does have strong believs and views on marriage, but he is not a violent man and is in no way threatening to me ( I would never have tolarated that in my home) ...yes, he is not able to understand what it feels like being in my allien skin and can be quite nasty and upsetting with the choice of words ...he did suggest we should do councelling together , but I can't see any point in that because I wanted to leave him ever since we got married , except kids we have no common ground for councelling to be of any use... funnily enough, the psycologist I saw recently thinks I also might have personality disorder ( there's a case of schizophrenia in my family) and said exact same words my husband used -" when you're confused, you can't make decisions on your own, and need help with that"... so, I think I will go through the councelling I started and wait till September( then both my kids will be at school/nursery) and see if this will make any difference to how I feel ...she started talking at 3, started trying to run a bit and jump a couple of months ago , is a bit more flexible with food now and is happier with being among other kids, although is still unable to play with them, just does her own thing...
You might be surprised, if you find a therapist who is knowledgeable about autism, they might be able to help your husband see your side of things a lot more. Often, when someone is in a situation they can't see it for themselves without outside help, and will just see their partner as defensive and not see the realities of autism. I think apart from anything he needs to read some literature about Asperger's. Give him this for some bed-time reading for a start: http://www.peaknt.com/files/The%20Complete%20Guide%20to%20Aspergers%20Syndrome_Attwood.pdf
He is probably seeing you telling him what you find difficult as you just defending your position and perhaps not even believing how bad it is for you. A professional telling him that your brain is wired differently and explaining that you can't help how you feel, that no amount of therapy will change your brain's wiring might make a difference. It will back up what you are trying to put across to him and validate it.
Unless the psychologist is expert in autism ignore what she said about schizophrenia. Schizophrenia is genetically related to autism (http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn23995-genetic-discovery-links-autism-and-schizophrenia.html#.UzQabZVF3IU) and if you have a close relative with it you are 300% more likely (research on request) to have an autism spectrum condition. I have Asperger's and my eldest sister has schizophrenia. There are some traits in common between the two conditions, low empathy for one. So a psychologist not understanding autism fully could come to a very incorrect conclusion. I don't believe it's very common to have both conditions, although it's not impossible. Don't weigh yourself down with labels, concentrate on working on what is possible to save of your marriage. If that doesn't work, you can at least extricate yourself knowing you tried your best. If your husband cannot understand and accommodate for your condition there is little hope.
I would also get a referral for assessment for ASC for your 3 year old, there are some potential signs and she has a genetic risk from you having it. Both my daughters are on the autistic spectrum which they got from me. You owe it to her to ensure she gets the right supports as early as possible. Girls struggle to get diagnosed more than boys and the older they get, the harder it gets because they learn to mimic other children to fit in - it doesn't lessen their anguish at feeling different though and mental health problems can abound if the condition is unrecognised.
Lipgloss said:thanks all ! well, he does have strong believs and views on marriage, but he is not a violent man and is in no way threatening to me ( I would never have tolarated that in my home) ...yes, he is not able to understand what it feels like being in my allien skin and can be quite nasty and upsetting with the choice of words ...he did suggest we should do councelling together , but I can't see any point in that because I wanted to leave him ever since we got married , except kids we have no common ground for councelling to be of any use... funnily enough, the psycologist I saw recently thinks I also might have personality disorder ( there's a case of schizophrenia in my family) and said exact same words my husband used -" when you're confused, you can't make decisions on your own, and need help with that"... so, I think I will go through the councelling I started and wait till September( then both my kids will be at school/nursery) and see if this will make any difference to how I feel ...she started talking at 3, started trying to run a bit and jump a couple of months ago , is a bit more flexible with food now and is happier with being among other kids, although is still unable to play with them, just does her own thing...
You might be surprised, if you find a therapist who is knowledgeable about autism, they might be able to help your husband see your side of things a lot more. Often, when someone is in a situation they can't see it for themselves without outside help, and will just see their partner as defensive and not see the realities of autism. I think apart from anything he needs to read some literature about Asperger's. Give him this for some bed-time reading for a start: http://www.peaknt.com/files/The%20Complete%20Guide%20to%20Aspergers%20Syndrome_Attwood.pdf
He is probably seeing you telling him what you find difficult as you just defending your position and perhaps not even believing how bad it is for you. A professional telling him that your brain is wired differently and explaining that you can't help how you feel, that no amount of therapy will change your brain's wiring might make a difference. It will back up what you are trying to put across to him and validate it.
Unless the psychologist is expert in autism ignore what she said about schizophrenia. Schizophrenia is genetically related to autism (http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn23995-genetic-discovery-links-autism-and-schizophrenia.html#.UzQabZVF3IU) and if you have a close relative with it you are 300% more likely (research on request) to have an autism spectrum condition. I have Asperger's and my eldest sister has schizophrenia. There are some traits in common between the two conditions, low empathy for one. So a psychologist not understanding autism fully could come to a very incorrect conclusion. I don't believe it's very common to have both conditions, although it's not impossible. Don't weigh yourself down with labels, concentrate on working on what is possible to save of your marriage. If that doesn't work, you can at least extricate yourself knowing you tried your best. If your husband cannot understand and accommodate for your condition there is little hope.
I would also get a referral for assessment for ASC for your 3 year old, there are some potential signs and she has a genetic risk from you having it. Both my daughters are on the autistic spectrum which they got from me. You owe it to her to ensure she gets the right supports as early as possible. Girls struggle to get diagnosed more than boys and the older they get, the harder it gets because they learn to mimic other children to fit in - it doesn't lessen their anguish at feeling different though and mental health problems can abound if the condition is unrecognised.
