how people on the spectrum cope with being parents???

  yes, and that's what makes me feel even worse!  the decision to have a family should be made by both partners , and he was fully aware of how I felt about it ...in any way I could I was saying "I WON'T BE ABLE TO BE A MOTHER, please, lets just stay the way we are!"  he just never paid any attention to anything I was trying to tell about myself ( so inevitably, I started saying less and less  and he had no idea what world I lived in)...he used to make jokes when someone for the thousadnth time asked when we're going to start family  "oh, she's scared of kids, prefers to be with inanimate objects because they don't make noise"... I don't know why, but kids are my particular phobia , I was avoiding them  since I was one of them ...and any contact with kids immidiately sends me back to the terrible time I had as a child ...  and because I was so inexperienced and naive I couldn't take care of contraception and trusted him to do that...but of course, since not having kids was non-negotiable to him, he wasn't too serious ...

  yes, and that's what makes me feel even worse!  the decision to have a family should be made by both partners , and he was fully aware of how I felt about it ...in any way I could I was saying "I WON'T BE ABLE TO BE A MOTHER, please, lets just stay the way we are!"  he just never paid any attention to anything I was trying to tell about myself ( so inevitably, I started saying less and less  and he had no idea what world I lived in)...he used to make jokes when someone for the thousadnth time asked when we're going to start family  "oh, she's scared of kids, prefers to be with inanimate objects because they don't make noise"... I don't know why, but kids are my particular phobia , I was avoiding them  since I was one of them ...and any contact with kids immidiately sends me back to the terrible time I had as a child ...  and because I was so inexperienced and naive I couldn't take care of contraception and trusted him to do that...but of course, since not having kids was non-negotiable to him, he wasn't too serious ...