I need answers cause its driving me crazy

jrandall10 said:

Hey everyone, I have a few things that I wondered if you fab people could offer any advice on. Dm is our six year old daughter, she has ASD and SPD.

1. Last year when visiting my dad down South, Dm was wearing crocs and got a drawing pin in the bottom of her shoe that stab her foot. Since then anytime she sees pins she gets really anxious and points at them. I have tried ignoring, redirecting her and comforting her but it doesn't work. Does anyone else get this issue?

Did you acknowledge to her that you understand her fear?  If she feels diverted from it with soothing/distraction, it could make her even more anxious.  Sometimes someone needs to know that you feel their pain otherwise if they don't feel you see the danger they will get more anxious trying to transmit to you that there is a danger.

2. Our learning mentor and sen person at my school where I work have told me that ASD children can't lie cause they don't see the point or understand why you would lie but Dm lies about things loads? What does everyone else think?

That's complete rubbish.  Read what Tony Attwood says about children with AS lying.  It might be in "The Complete Guide to Asperger's syndrome" http://www.peaknt.com/files/The%20Complete%20Guide%20to%20Aspergers%20Syndrome_Attwood.pdf.

3. She also has Dr Jekyll and mr Hyde mood swings that come out of no where and we have no clue what to do. Should we be trying to calm her all the time or just go with the flow?

Are these mood swings or meltdowns?  Meltdowns stem from anxiety, which as she has SPD will mean there are lots of things that could set it off.  Also, even if it's not meltdowns, anxiety can make someone appear defensive and snappy.  If you have identified all her triggers and it's still there, maybe she needs more quiet/alone time to diffuse her feelings.

4. We have realised that we can't expect so much from her cause she just can't cope with even simple things but we worry that if we do everything for her she will never learn or grow to be independent, r we doing right?

It is never bad to encourage independence, even if it doesn't seem to be "soaking in" you might be surprised at how much is.  It's not fair to deny her the opportunity purely on the basis that it doesn't appear to look that way.  Always be positive.  You can never tell what is going on inside by outside appearances.

5. If she can't sleep or wakes up, she won't/can't explain why but will get pain in different places and cry uncontrollably, is this anxiety or something else? What could we do to help?

Are you sure she's not having growing pains?  Has she got any signs of hypermobility (common on the spectrum) http://hypermobility.org/help-advice/hypermobility-syndromes/beighton-score/?  It could be stress-related stomach pains for instance, maybe you need to spell out to her until she gets it, that she is allowed to call out or come to you.

6. I have done a big display on our wall for all her visuals but she doesn't seem worried about them, should we carry on using them?

Keep going with them, as above you don't know how much is going in.

7. She has loads of toys and has no interest in half of them, I say we will sell them which we do but then months later she asks for them. I have no storage to keep hording things but cant afford to keep replacing them either. We try to play with her but she loses the plot. Does anyone else have this same struggle?

We have this problem.  Perhaps instead of buying new toys (until she needs an age/ability appropriate change of toys) you could hide half away, leave her with the other half and then swap them over every couple of months or whenever so she feels like she has new toys again.

Also how can we help her with socialising?

PECS social stories.  Are there any local support groups where you could meet other parents with autistic children so there is less pressure on her to socialise in the NT way, which she will be learning at school anyway?  Sometimes, it's nice to just "be" without pressure, and the socialising needs of someone with ASC are often much less than an NT child, you don't have anything to live up to, get a feel for what she wants.

Sorry about all the questions and massive post but we are stuck

Thanks loads everyone xxxx

jrandall10 said:

Hey everyone, I have a few things that I wondered if you fab people could offer any advice on. Dm is our six year old daughter, she has ASD and SPD.

1. Last year when visiting my dad down South, Dm was wearing crocs and got a drawing pin in the bottom of her shoe that stab her foot. Since then anytime she sees pins she gets really anxious and points at them. I have tried ignoring, redirecting her and comforting her but it doesn't work. Does anyone else get this issue?

Did you acknowledge to her that you understand her fear?  If she feels diverted from it with soothing/distraction, it could make her even more anxious.  Sometimes someone needs to know that you feel their pain otherwise if they don't feel you see the danger they will get more anxious trying to transmit to you that there is a danger.

2. Our learning mentor and sen person at my school where I work have told me that ASD children can't lie cause they don't see the point or understand why you would lie but Dm lies about things loads? What does everyone else think?

That's complete rubbish.  Read what Tony Attwood says about children with AS lying.  It might be in "The Complete Guide to Asperger's syndrome" http://www.peaknt.com/files/The%20Complete%20Guide%20to%20Aspergers%20Syndrome_Attwood.pdf.

3. She also has Dr Jekyll and mr Hyde mood swings that come out of no where and we have no clue what to do. Should we be trying to calm her all the time or just go with the flow?

Are these mood swings or meltdowns?  Meltdowns stem from anxiety, which as she has SPD will mean there are lots of things that could set it off.  Also, even if it's not meltdowns, anxiety can make someone appear defensive and snappy.  If you have identified all her triggers and it's still there, maybe she needs more quiet/alone time to diffuse her feelings.

4. We have realised that we can't expect so much from her cause she just can't cope with even simple things but we worry that if we do everything for her she will never learn or grow to be independent, r we doing right?

It is never bad to encourage independence, even if it doesn't seem to be "soaking in" you might be surprised at how much is.  It's not fair to deny her the opportunity purely on the basis that it doesn't appear to look that way.  Always be positive.  You can never tell what is going on inside by outside appearances.

5. If she can't sleep or wakes up, she won't/can't explain why but will get pain in different places and cry uncontrollably, is this anxiety or something else? What could we do to help?

Are you sure she's not having growing pains?  Has she got any signs of hypermobility (common on the spectrum) http://hypermobility.org/help-advice/hypermobility-syndromes/beighton-score/?  It could be stress-related stomach pains for instance, maybe you need to spell out to her until she gets it, that she is allowed to call out or come to you.

6. I have done a big display on our wall for all her visuals but she doesn't seem worried about them, should we carry on using them?

Keep going with them, as above you don't know how much is going in.

7. She has loads of toys and has no interest in half of them, I say we will sell them which we do but then months later she asks for them. I have no storage to keep hording things but cant afford to keep replacing them either. We try to play with her but she loses the plot. Does anyone else have this same struggle?

We have this problem.  Perhaps instead of buying new toys (until she needs an age/ability appropriate change of toys) you could hide half away, leave her with the other half and then swap them over every couple of months or whenever so she feels like she has new toys again.

Also how can we help her with socialising?

PECS social stories.  Are there any local support groups where you could meet other parents with autistic children so there is less pressure on her to socialise in the NT way, which she will be learning at school anyway?  Sometimes, it's nice to just "be" without pressure, and the socialising needs of someone with ASC are often much less than an NT child, you don't have anything to live up to, get a feel for what she wants.

Sorry about all the questions and massive post but we are stuck

Thanks loads everyone xxxx