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How do you tackle the feeling of "I'm not where I want to be in life"?

HMO

I don't really compare myself to others as much as I used to, but this isn't about that.

I'm 27. I've regressed as I've gotten older, I've become more anxious and find it extremely difficult to ask for things when I *need* them, which subsequently gets me into avoidable sticky situations.

I feel like I was expected to know what I wanted to do while I was at school (and I'm probably not alone in that) and I just didn't. I didn't go to university so upon turning 18, I felt completely lost. It was as though the world told me, "you're on your own now, and you're not allowed to ask for help because being an adult means being independent etc". Me, an autistic person, thinking literally? Surely not...

I feel like there's lots of opportunities I missed out on. Whether it be me not asking for help, not networking more, not grabbing things because I was afraid etc. 

I feel like I'm getting on a bit now, and that I've missed my chance. I don't feel you get many opportunities now, and it feels like I'm going to be playing catch-up for the rest of my life.

This is a bit more vent-y than I was going for but it's something I've recently struggled with.

Parents

  • Nah, you've not missed all your chances, things come along all the time, the trick is recognising them and going for it. I've been in places I didn't want to be for much of my life, but I did and have changed things, often with friends and family telling me I shouldn't and that I should settle down. How do you feel about university now, have your thoughts towards it changed?, Uni is a great way of getting away from things, you've got three years to take a totally different path, to study, to mix with different people, to be someone else.

    I really feel theres to much pressure on people at too young an age to settle on what they want to do for the rest of thier lives, our lives are so long compared to our grandparents generation, work is less class based and unstable, most people will be made redundant at least once in thier lives and probably end up doing something totally different to the thing they trained for, if they trained in anything specific at all.

    Who and what do you feel you'll be playing catch up with and why?

    Do you want live to work or work to live? I know in an Asian family the former is the norm and the latter incomprehensible for many, but it's still an option. Being a sucessful person is being one who is happy in themselves, not one who earns loads of money, has the biggest house, or a fleet of cars and shops in luxury places. Theres nothing wrong with a more modest lifestyle.

  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    That's the problem, I get too scared and then just don't take the opportunity. Or I feel like it's going to be a dead-end and it'll leave me in a worse off position and then it'll be even harder to get back up, and I'm basically there.

    I never got to experience hanging out with friends when I was younger. Now I'm older, I feel like I'm never ever going to get to do that. Everyone's busy, people have their own lives. I feel happiness when you're an adult never actually happens. That's what I've basically been told - adult life is just work work work and nothing else.

    My literal thinking probably doesn't help, admittedly. I don't have any desire to go to university because I know that my money worries would be worse.

    I'd want to work something that I know I'll enjoy. Not something I dread going to.

  • in reply to HMO

    The only way you're going to know if you enjoy something is to try it, maybe you need assertiveness training or something that will build self confidence.I love to cook but I've never wanted to do it as a job, because I know the restuarant style of cooking isn't for me. So somethings won't work out, but you'll be no worse off than you are now, in some ways you'll be better off because you will have gained some experience and know more about what does and does not float your boat.

    Whoever told you that adult life is just hard work, told you wrong.

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  • in reply to HMO

    The only way you're going to know if you enjoy something is to try it, maybe you need assertiveness training or something that will build self confidence.I love to cook but I've never wanted to do it as a job, because I know the restuarant style of cooking isn't for me. So somethings won't work out, but you'll be no worse off than you are now, in some ways you'll be better off because you will have gained some experience and know more about what does and does not float your boat.

    Whoever told you that adult life is just hard work, told you wrong.

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