I got my report

So, I got my diagnosis of AuDHD (both Autism & ADHD) finally after going through right to choose instead of relying on the NHS, but now I have my report I'm a bit (very) distressed.

This is a report I'm going to have to print, refer to, send off etc. for the rest of my life, and it's full of fundamentally wrong info.

Not because of the team that diagnosed me - no, but because of my mother. I'm likely not the first person and won't be the last who has a difficult relationship with a parent, but she's also the only parent and only family member I have that could've done the section required for that. Issue is, she's a pathological liar and routinely skews information in order to put herself in a better light (and has done so my entire life, she will do some real mental gymnastics to always avoid actually taking blame for anything - no matter how small).

I had hoped she would at least recognise that this wasn't about her, but that makes me the idiot. The entire section written based on what she told them about me is full of incorrect and biased information and I'm just really uncomfortable having that as part of a permanent document I'm going to have to constantly reference.

I was abused by my dad, both mentally and physically, the entire duration he was in my life. At no point did he physically abuse my mother, and she always knew what he was doing to me (would even know ahead of time before he'd get home) and never once did anything to help me, protect me, nothing. It wasn't until my bruises were so extensive that my school noticed and separated me from the other children to teach me in the staff lounge so I wouldn't traumatise other kids.

In the report, she claims to have divorced him and left the country with me after he was charged - first of all, she said I was 10 when he was charged when I was actually 8 or 9, and she did not divorce him. He moved too, and continued to live with us for years in the UK (and they were still married). It wasn't until I was 11 or 12 that they actually separated, and he continued to see me and I even caught her with him. She also let me go on holidays with him without her (and unsurprisingly, he would be mentally abusive during them, but at this time I still didn't understand how messed up his treatment of me was).

Similar to this, she says that she speaks to my "online friends" to ensure they are who they say they are - she never did, and I moved out when I was 21/22 and am now 29. She stole my phone (yes, stole) when I was a teenager once and gaslit me about it. She made me think I had lost it, and guilt tripped me over it and it was a whole thing - when in reality she stole it and sent the police after who I'd been texting.

There's also far more lies and just general random info she gave them that doesn't make any sense (from minor things like claiming one of my interests is 'insects' when I have never once been interested in them, to more major things). The reason this is such an issue for me is that a significant portion of the report talks about how (from her perspective bias) I'm incapable of caring, incapable of holding conversation, that I don't show her any concern when she's 'obviously' distressed or upset, that I always have a neutral expression, that I don't engage any activities with her.

Firstly, I'm 29. I don't even live with her - I just unfortunately have to rely on her. Secondly, I think I'm well within right to not want to engage with or feel close to the woman who's made me horrendously miserable. Don't get me wrong, I'm not rude - I do talk to her, I do respond - ironically she's the one who is always ignoring me and interrupting me, so I just don't bother continuing to try to speak to her. She's very insensitive, and extremely ignorant (think transphobic comments about others, very rude to receptionists, insensitive comments about mental health/self harm, denied I could be autistic at first because it was such a bad thing). She is the last person I would ever go to about 'how I feel' or want to actively spend time with. No matter what ailment or issue I've had in my life she always responds by trying to say she has the same or worse like it's a competition.

Yes, I know I'm socially dense, but when it comes to my actual friends I very obviously care, I'm very obviously empathetic and concerned for them. I may not communicate this verbally, but my actions are always how I've done things and that's just me - but the way the report describes me due to it being from my mothers input means that I come off as a cold, uncaring *** 100% of the time. (I will do gestures rather than verbal communication, I've had people in the past note that they thought I was a bad friend until they lost me and realised all I was doing for them without saying anything)

I've already spent my entire life being misunderstood, this diagnosis is supposed to be that relief of things finally making sense - and now the report is full of misinformation that paints a picture of me that my biased mother wants. I've literally been taken aside and harassed by her friends based on things she's made up and told them, and I don't have contact with any family specifically because I can't deal with the stress of having to explain myself or correct them based on things she tells them. I don't want this report to also be another instance of that.

Has anyone had a similar situation? I've messaged the team that did my report about it, because I did bring this up to the nurse during my observation and she said that if when I read the final report I want to talk to them I can, but this whole thing has me really distressed. The nurse said my mother was 'so helpful and informative' during her segment, and that's exactly the problem - she lies with genuine confidence, and even if you confront her on her lies she doubles down and warps reality to justify whatever she said (or just outright denies it).

I'm sorry for the wall of text, I just want to scream into the void. I've spent my life being mistreated and misunderstood to the point I have an overwhelming need to always over explain myself and get every detail across, and now it's happening all over again in the one instance it wasn't supposed to.