Published on 12, July, 2020
It is something I've always struggled with throughout my life. The shame, the embarrassment, the fear of someone screaming at me as to go "do it yourself" even though it's extremely rare that's happened.
It's stinging at the moment because I'm looking for a job but I've exhausted all avenues (applying, emailing companies, reaching out to professional contacts) apart from asking my parents if they can help. It's not so much of a pride thing as a "me not being sure if they'll take me seriously" thing, even though I have an idea of what I'd like to do.
Even asking friends for support can be difficult because I don't know how they'll respond, and I'm not always best at preparing for the possibility that they will respond badly. Or even if they don't.
Yes, I can relate to what has been shared in this conversation. Thinking of asking for help seems to automatically conjure up all the usual variables and possible outcomes that I struggle to contain in my head. So I've always been reluctant to ask for help, unless I absolutely feel I have no choice.
Recently I asked for help for my mental health and it has backfired on me. I'm on a teacher training course and after reaching out based on my own mental health concerns, I've been frozen out of the course, my associates, pretty much everything until I have occupational therapy and psychiatric assessments. Sure, it'll probably make my autism as clear and open as possible to push forward the diagnosis (private over public services regrettably) but I'm left in 'no-man's land' in the meantime. Can't do anything.