Published on 12, July, 2020
Recently I'm coming to terms that I function better without friends or attachments, I have my own routines and rhythms that malfunction when things change too much too fast or when I try to change to appease people and ignore my introverted nature.
I'm not completely asocial, but I engage in the minimum contact required to keep things balanced.
I am considering telling my local activity coordinator next week that I want to stop looking for social groups and volunteering.
Yeah, I completely agree. I also function better with a minimum amount of contact, and without friends. I've seen a video a long time ago, of when people were asked "what can friends do for you?" And people would have a long list of things of what friends could do for them. Then when when they were asked "what can you do for your friends?" Everyone had blank stares. They couldn't think of one single thing they could do for their friends, because they've never had that thought before.
And in my experience, it's been that way. My friends want me to live for them, and they get angry when I don't. I just don't get it, I can entertain myself with my hobbies and interests for long stretches of time, but they constantly need me to regulate their emotions, and to dance like a monkey to entertain them and make them happy. It's odd. And everytime I go out with them expecting to have a good time, I just come home discouraged, because they put me down in front of everyone. After it kept happening, I just stopped showing up.