Today I was supposed to travel to my work on the train, to spend two hours at the office in my supported employment role. However, my anxiety levels were through the roof this morning and I had to phone in to cancel. I feel like I have let people down because I was due to have a meeting with someone at the office today, but I phoned him up and he seemed understanding. I was worried in case he had already set out on the train, but I don't think he had done so, it being only 9 am when I phoned.
I had tried to get out; had got out of bed, had my breakfast, got dressed, and even stepped out of the door, and walked as far as the end of the garden. But the anxiety then seized me and I had to get back inside. There is no rhyme or reason to anxiety, but I think several factors play a role here: I had a disturbed night's sleep and felt very tired, there was a thick mist outside and very poor visibility, which makes me feel claustrophobic, and my neck was slightly tender and sore - I think I had strained it; no wonder, my muscles are chronically tense. So I have just been inside this morning, doing my two hours from home.
Yesterday I felt very relaxed and relatively calm in the morning, but it was a beautiful day and I had slept well. All these variables affect me, but it seems my anxiety is getting worse, and the NHS are not giving me any decent therapy!
