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Update on Confused post .Still confused.

Moonchild
13 days ago

So following my post from almost a fortnight ago, I'm still confused. 

Update.

So the guy I mentioned before, has continued to give me gifts. And I believe even flirted with me.

So I asked a third party to offer him my phone number. She later told me that he does want me in his life, but he is not looking for a romantic relationship. More companionship. And I'm okay with that, I think.

But she also said that he doesn't want my number just yet because he needs to process the situation. I kind of get this (as i too am Autistic), but I feel like I'm getting mixed messages from him.

Why would someone behave in that way (gift giving and flirting) if they didn't want a friendship to develop into something more ? So, what is there to process ?

Him not wanting my number feels a bit like rejection or game playing if I'm honest. And this is making me feel like I want to withdraw, and not go to the group that we both attend anymore.

Am I looking at this all wrong ? 

Please be kind, I'm fragile. 

  • 6 days ago in reply to Mark (formerly Spikey)

    Hi Mark,

    Well, I'm confused no more. 

    I went to the group, and he was actually mean to me. So my gut feeling of game playing was right, unfortunately. 

    The trouble is when people behave like that, it affects one's confidence. And that can make one withdraw.

    One thing I do know is that I deserved better. 

  • 13 days ago in reply to NAS92675

    Thank you for sharing your perspective. It's helped. And thank you for the good luck wish. It's good to know that I'm not the only one who finds relationships confusing. 

  • 13 days ago

    Hi Moonchild, I am really weird about relationships. I can see myself acting like this guy in a similar situation. Not sure how to explain. Maybe he wants to control the pace. Maybe he is unsure of his ability to maintain a friendship. Maybe he is unsure if he wants a friend right now. Maybe he's afraid of trying and failing. I am very ambivalent about friendships because I have a long, long history of failures. Also a long history of being confused so I can certainly relate on that score! Good Luck!

  • 13 days ago in reply to Mark (formerly Spikey)

    Thank you Mark.

    I'd never chase anyone. 

    The group isn't until the end of next week. I just don't want it to be awkward. I battle with anxiety as it is. All this stress, just for friendship. It's crazy.

  • 13 days ago

    Good afternoon,

    I had a pen friend (snail mail); who kept on sending me gifts and money (odd behaviour as wanted to say thank you for being my friend); think she was unhappy and she made a  huge mistake. In the end I had to stop writing to her and torn up my letter, sent it back to me and said I used two hurtful words. Then she went onto soical media to find new pen pals.

    Advice don't give out your number and you may end up with loads of messages throughout day and night.

    Can you speak to the group leader privately? In my group there is one person who talks non stop. I'd told her 4x to stop talking as trying to listen to the speaker. Going to mention something at the next meeting (,if happens again); people are treating me like a child with a learning disability. 

  • 13 days ago

    I've no advice, but wanted to acknowledge your post. Relationships are super tough. For us, tripley so. I don't think there is anything more that you can do other than be clear that you would like to take it further if he is ever ready, but you respect their current position and then back off. Chasing people doesn't really work, except in books/TV. 

    I'd stick with the group if you can.