Published on 12, July, 2020
After reflecting on my earlier life and the state of things now I am secure in my decision to be child free, that is voluntarily never having children.
Even if things were different, I would not have changed my mind due to concerns of passing on an illness or lifelong condition, bullying and isolation and how dangerous and volatile the world has become.
Even as a single man, I think it's still important to know where one stands on the matter.
I can remember when I was about 8 or 10 telling my mum I never wanted kids. I am not 54 and no kids, no regrets on that. I could never cope with kids, I can just not give my time to anybody else, even pets are difficult. I am a very selfish person and can barely cope with my own life let alone a kids.
When I was a teenager I was adamant that I never wanted children. Everybody would say to me "Oh, you will change your mind one day". Now I am in my 30s and I still have no desire for children. Being a parent isn't for everyone.
Having kids is fun rewarding but very tough speicaly if your child has asd as one of mine does
Which is why im trying to find out what my nd condtion is so i can find ways to help us both
That said having children is a choice and its fime to not want them
On how dsngerous the world csn be many people will say im wromg for this bit i wont let my child use social media or visit unknow websites and id rather they look up tjings in bools than isijg google so they get it from a checked sorce
I my self dony like the ourside world but i will socialuse just om my terms not on sociteies terms
My idea of a good night out is playing ttading card games or aomething like that not going the pub been there done that and looking back i wasyes time on something that was bad for me in terms of social situations
Not saying you will ever chsnge your mind but if you do make sure your partner is on your wave lenth trust me it helps so much ... i have suffered so much thorough relatiobships thay i now see were manipulative and thank god i never waned to start a famiky untill i finaly found someone who undeestood me.
I just don't like kids in general, and I'm prone to sensory overload and need plenty of time to cool off and recharge.
Also I still remember the school bullying, the loneliness, the lack of meaningful support and my parents' frustration with the lack of specialists and not being able to properly help me at the time.
I never had much desire to meet anyone and now those desires have diminished to the point of irrelevance.
I think it's good you've got a solid opinion on this - I struggle with a lot of life's certainties, I'm capable of talking myself around to be anything. Your confidence in being childless is good.
I've no reason (or desire) to talk you out of anything, but just as a thought experiment, what would you think should you meet someone who really wanted to start a family?
Or perhaps they're a new parent of a baby, and you wanted to be a part of their lives?
Is there something about you as an individual which having children present in your life wouldn't be possible, or would you be open to the idea of children in these circumstances?