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Dating

Caz571
10 days ago

Hi, I’m not sure this is the right place for this, so please move if needed. This is becoming something I’m ruminating on lots so just want to get it out of my head. 

I’m 36 and got diagnosed as autistic earlier in the year. One of the recommendations in the report was that I get assessed for ADHD. I’m on the waiting list now. I’ve always had quite bad social anxiety, but my current medication has helped loads with that. 

In a moment of madness I decided to try dating again (online because no idea how to actually meet people otherwise). I’m starting to realise that putting my low self confidence to one side, a lot of my social anxiety came from my complete social awkwardness. I don’t know how I fit in relation to people. I can’t read the situation. I miss hints, flirting goes over my head and I definitely can’t flirt back. I worry about being too intense. I try to be myself and try to communicate openly, but I worry I sound “too autistic”. I know things are worse over messages, but I’ve always struggled with meeting new people and dating has always been a train wreck for me, but now I’m beginning to understand why. I just don’t know what to do with that new understanding.

I like to think I’m fairly intelligent. I have two degrees and a good career. But dating leaves me feeling lost and confused. I don’t know how to do myself and not put people off to start with.

One thing this whole trying to date has shown me is some of my autistic traits that maybe I wasn’t quite aware of. That’s also raised other feelings I don’t really know what to do with. 

Any advice for dating with neurodivergence?

Parents
  • 8 days ago

    Thank you for the replies. It makes me feel a little less alone in all this. 

    I just really don’t like how intense or obsessive I feel. It’s quite overwhelming. The logical part of me can see how crazy it all is and how much I just need to chill out and relax. But the more anxious, autistic, rigid, part of me is just in a whirl, with so many questions and doubts and fears. 

    I want to be able to think about something else. I don’t like checking my phone literally every minute. I just want to be able to say what’s on my line with spiralling about it all. 

    and why did I drink so much coffee today knowing I was already really anxious? 

Reply
  • 8 days ago

    Thank you for the replies. It makes me feel a little less alone in all this. 

    I just really don’t like how intense or obsessive I feel. It’s quite overwhelming. The logical part of me can see how crazy it all is and how much I just need to chill out and relax. But the more anxious, autistic, rigid, part of me is just in a whirl, with so many questions and doubts and fears. 

    I want to be able to think about something else. I don’t like checking my phone literally every minute. I just want to be able to say what’s on my line with spiralling about it all. 

    and why did I drink so much coffee today knowing I was already really anxious? 

Children
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