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jokes

Zo

I was thinking of doing a thread of jokes and humor.

on Thursday  my evening routine went out without any fore warning cause someone who doesnt know my evening routine due to not being with me in the evening and stuff told the person who was going to be with me this evening who doesnt know my routine either and there waa some sort of mis communication

for context

she aparantly told me out of nowhere when i was having my meds but she started going on about something else aswell and I was unable to process everything cause it takes longer than normal for me to process things cause of my learning disability sometimes

but also cause I had a sore throat that kept me up the previous night and my sore throat has been worse today Iv been taking something for it.  I dont tend to cope with them well cause they afect the texsture of food i will eat and im very fussy about texture anyway and so was too distracted by all that.  

she was also talking too fast for me to process the words and sentences  and I thought she was just going over my usual routine and so didnt pay much attention cause I already know it and she aparantly thought I agreed with certain  times that ended up throwing my routine out the window and I was completely unaware of any changes until the last minute

when I t told her what she said didnt make sense cause its not my routine and she didnt take that well when I told her and I found the change odd and it caused lots of upset to my routine

so cause of everything that happened that  evening im even more up for humor and laughter and for that reason and the fact I was thinking about doing a joke and humor thread anyway there is no better time time like the  present to make people laugh 

here are some jokes and humor I have come up with so far 

I make up funny words in my head to use as alternatives to rude words or swear words so thought it would be one cool idea to do with humor 

when I was a child  I mainly copyed my speacial interests rather than my parents and although they have a habit of swearing sometimes I still chose not to copy them and so have never been known to swear  ever since I was little and dont do it even when alone instead I automaticaly come out with all sorts of  funny things as always but  thats just me. I like making up funny words  and my brain automaticaly says funny things instead and so I come up with all sorts of funny things even when im fustraited or iv realised iv made a mistake ir I have an acident so thought funny words would be a good idea cause its a type of humor I could use for the joke thread 

heres one of my favourate funny things I say 

oh flap- referance to birds flapping when startled 

but its the flapping part i find funny and one of my favourate phraises 

next I like different types of humor 

what do you get when  a crab gets into a fight 

an all out brawl 

what do you get when a  teritorial  shore  crab crosses   paths with a  hermit? krabby 

then theres other funny humor and jokes to come up with aswell. although its about wildlife it can be about anything and thought it would be a good idea for a thread 

  • I thought this story would be good for the thread. my Mum has literaly only just told me today she wont be taking me home Monday as of today- Sunday but i didnt see until later  which is very last minute for me and due to not haveing a whole day or more to process the change properly im going to be comfused and

    im probably  going to get up in the morning and get ready  and wait for her to arive  il let you know how that goes

    but im not getting my hopes up about her ariving though but my mind certainly thinks so however either way. so we will see  what happens 

  • in reply to Oran G. Utan

    that police joke sounds funny. 

  • in reply to Zo

    An aristocrat is basically nobility. A social group with particular political and economic power. Aristocracy is a more developed system with its own hierarchy and titles. But, if you think of big powdered wigs, elegant ballrooms and rich people laughing behind glasses of wine, you're in the right area.

  • Did you hear the police had to remove members of the orchestra last night? They caught wind, the strings were plucked, and the brass banned.

  • in reply to Oran G. Utan

    I dont know what a aritocrat is but I still found it funny cause of the what they have in common and they like to wear masks at partys 

  • now iv heard a police car siren. like I said its like a drama film. thunder, lighting, heavy rain, police cars thamkfuly its dieing dowm now though but yes 

    when I was having my food and I saw the grated cheese I just came up with a grate joke 

  • in reply to Shardovan

    I have heard one similar to the newspaper one. whats black and white and red all over? 

    a sun burnt zebra 

  • in reply to SpikeyMark

    Iv defanatly heard of the newspaper one. dont know about the chimney one that is a new one for me 

  • so I was just sitting in my bedroom and I heard the whole world rumbling

    which caused me to respond 

    Thunder alert.

    sorry. that is the funny saying I use when theres thunder

    it is exstremely over dramatic like a drama the whole tire sky is rumbleing non stop and has been since 2:30 pm it is both pouring with heavy rain and thunder and lighting at the same time and it is louder than Ever compared to normal its like an earthquake. 

    hold on. let me check. 

    no the ground isnt rumbling aswell   we,re all good. 

    just need to remind myself im not a movie cause it defanrly feells like it. 

    anyway I was eating some chips for lunch with grated cheese and unfortunatly alot of it has melted and I prefer Grated but there was a few grated bits left so I replyed great

    thats not as great -ed as I exspected 

  • in reply to SpikeyMark

    Yeah I like coming up with jokes.

  • in reply to Oran G. Utan

    Did you make that up? Nice!

  • What does an autist and a French aristocrat have in common?

    They like to wear masks at parties.

  • in reply to Mark

    Me too! Well it was either that or 'What did the policeman say to his chest? ' You're under a vest'. Think I was told both those at once actually, outside on a warm day opposite our first house while watching those tiny red spider things (bloodsuckers we called them) climb on a low grey wall. I'd have been about 4 or 5. I can remember turning the jokes over in my mind and grasping the 'trick' to their construction (and thus the formula to most jokes - basically a choice between expectation subversion, reality warping premises, or word-play/punning) for the first time. I think I also remember exaggerating a laugh so as not to offend!

    Actually one other curiously specific thing has stayed with me all this time. The chimney joke for me (as told in that moment) was given a different rhythm as it was told to be as 'You're too young to be smoking'. So even though it's in essence the same joke as you know it, we've both been given it via a different 'tune' if you see what I mean. 

  • in reply to SpikeyMark
    SpikeyMark said:

    What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?

    "You're too young to smoke!"

    That was the first joke I ever heard too!

  • These are the very first jokes that I ever learned. They are old! I didn't really 'get' them at the time when I was little, but they still stick with me.

    1. What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?

    "You're too young to smoke!"

    2. What is black and white, but red all over?

    A newspaper 

    (I cheated with the second one. It is designed to be spoken aloud and not written down. It sounds like 'red', but when you get the answer you realise it was 'read'. Also these days newspapers are colour so it doesn't work these days)

  • so does anyone have any more jokes to tell or even funny storys if you want to share them? 

    this thread is for any form of  humor everyone has different tyoes of humor and this is a thread where everyone can share jokes or even  funny storys if they have any 

  • so yes Mum does act like a wether forcaster sometimes

  • so im just busy on something when suddenly i get a notification 

    Mum

    packing list for holiday ( its going to rain every day next week) 

    that is literally how it came up on my desktop and most of the list as you can imagane is in preperation for it raining literaly every single day 

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