Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone!
Last week I received an advisory diagnosis at 31. I wanted to ask what people's experiences are with relationships.
Social cues are an area I struggle with, and I've found it very difficult to form romantic relationships.
I've never had a committed relationship; there have been a handful of short 'flings' (doesn't feel like the right word, but I'm not sure what the right word is), nothing longer than a couple of months, and not many of those. I have had a couple of opportunities to start real relationships, but they haven't felt quite right and I've backed away. The rare times I think I've found someone who things could work with, I have no idea what to do to make it happen, and what I do try tends not to work, whether that's attempting to be my true self, or trying to be more "normal" (the same goes for more casual interest).
I'm a straight man, and where things have happened for me, it's been a case of the woman involved deciding that she wants to make things happen before we've spoken much. If I realize this has happened, it then feels like walking a tightrope of trying not to mess things up by saying the wrong thing under pressure or being weird. Sometimes I manage this, but more often I don't!
I love female company, and I have very strong, long-term friendships with women. It bothers me that I'm able to form deep, reciprocal emotional connections, but when sex or emotional attraction are involved I become socially dysfunctional and it seems impossible. It's a difficult thing to find people to talk to about, because while relationships aren't a walk in the park for anyone, no one I know really has a similar story, and they care but can't quite understand why I find it so much harder than most people. I've learned over the years how to mask and leave people with the impression that things have gone better for me than they really have, which can make an individual conversation less embarrassing, but is ultimately a lonely experience.
It's been really comforting and validating reading about other people's experiences on here! I'd love to hear more from people about this, whether your experience is similar to mine or completely different. What are the challenges for you in finding and maintaining relationships? What strengths do you feel you can bring? Have you found strategies that help you manage better?This is my first post. I'm looking forward to hearing from people and making friends! Thanks
I've always struggled. I've as I'm reluctant to approach anyone I'm attracted to. Fortunately others aren't so like minded and have shown interest in me, not a clue why but they did (thankfully).
I've always found difficult to connect emotionally. At first it's a bit scary/new/exciting and then over time it becomes comfortable and relaxed but I'm sure that's the same for others to.
I've been married for over 20 years and I'm definitely in the later bracket now .I met my wife at a pub quiz and I didn't scare her off, she found me interesting.and it went from there.
Having someone with a similar interest, whether it's a pub quiz, book club, going to the gym (perish the thought personally). In my area there is a group that is for people with ASD that do activities.
I think people used to meet either through work, social activities or through a friend (of a friend etc) now people tend to live quite separate lives often staring into a screen, oblivious of the world around them.
The older I get, the more emotionally disconnected I become. it's more about familiarity, safety and comfortable. (Companionship). Obviously my wife is very lucky to have me as I'm such a catch We work well together I think.
Good luck