Published on 12, July, 2020
Mine was when I started school. I remember sitting on a table with other children. I felt happy enough but then they all started what felt like a word dance that I didn't know the steps to and couldn't join in with. I remember feeling very alone and confused and panicky.. I mayve had my first shut down. Felt like i was in a washing machine and sound became a background thing. Suddenly couldn't understand them. That feeling still comes in a group of people.
What was your experience?
When I was around 11 years old, walking to school one morning I clearly remember having the feeling that I was very different from most other kids. I didn’t know why and couldn’t figure this out, but the revelation that I was different was profound, hence the reason I can remember it to this day. I can even remember the exact location on the daily walk where it occurred. Recognising my condition only in the last couple of years, a lot of other memories from that time now make more sense. But back then it was a struggle and probably this was when I started my various masking schemes to cover up my differences and to try to fit in more at “big school’.