Published on 12, July, 2020
This is no attempt to demonise anyone who may use this. I don't know how common it is within autism spaces anyway, but I know that I've felt this sentiment before many times. If you (friend, family member etc) are not there for me when I'm struggling, then I find it difficult to accept you being there when I'm not.
On the flip side, I know that people's worst can be difficult to tolerate sometimes, depending on what it is. My all-time worst was, on the one hand, not something that I could have feasibly expected people to understand or stick with me through, but it was still extremely isolating.
The expectation that other people would have to handle "you" (not literally directed at you, but just used in a manner of speaking to answer the question itself) while you are being at your worst towards others, is showing that others were not handling and not tolerating your worst behavior in the "right" way to your satisfaction, but why would they have to do that for you? Would you like if others expected you to handle their worst, nightmarish, horrific behaviors towards you too? Every person you know just treating you like a pile of mud? I don't think I'd like to live in a society like that.
And then the "you don't deserve me at my best" as if your best is a great reward for other people tolerating your bad behavior. Plenty of times I've been at my best, but never as a reward for after being bad to people, and them having to tolerate it. And my best isn't even good enough sometimes, because there's always someone in the world who is better than I am, and so if that's the case for me and everyone else in this world, then why would someone's best be some great reward for others, especially after they've been unkind towards them?
But if other people were not there for you when you were struggling with something, that's different. If you struggled alone while they rejected you, and then despite that you chose to get really good at something, and in the future you started getting rewarded for that thing, then those same people come out of the woordworks to try and get a piece of the glory for themselves, then those people act like scavengers. Selfish enough to only think for themselves, but only entering your life once they see something valuable for themselves, and they'll try to get into your good graces to take bits and pieces of glory from you. Those people are horrible and parasitic.