Published on 12, July, 2020
It seems impossible for me to trust women. This is not because of being jilted via having been cheated on, several broken relationships leaving me wonder what in the blue h*** I have done, standing on a train station platform, bewildered and consequently being depressed for months on end feeling unwanted, proceeding to then start losing weight again (I'm 18st, part belly, part muscle lol), fix myself up with new teeth and so on.It is more to do with the current political climate that I see all around me. Do I go up and talk to a woman and risk being jailed? Or do I smile from afar and risk being jailed? Or do I simply stay lonely? My mother was abusive, my late Grandmother, overprotective, social workers acting upon misandry and falsehoods, libel and the like since childhood.I would like a female companion long term some day, but I have already planned to grow old alone because that seems easier. However, since my diagnosis, I am open to perhaps asking for help before I am accused of misogyny again. I am not a misogynist, I just have trust issues since my recent break up and all I want, is a best friend forever, who will love me with all of my flaws, including my impressions, maybe play some Magic The Gathering of an evening, watch Jurassic Park, play some retro games, or just a simple snuggle up with some Rick & Morty and a Pizza now and again. Evening walks just as the sun is setting etc.Anyway, enough cringe from me. It would mean a lot to me if you ladies could help me change my perspective. I really do believe in love, accepting people for who they are, despite flaws, arguing then making up again with a cup of tea and perhaps a good laugh. I will embrace a female companion who is autistic as well as I think we may get on better together with our understanding, growing up and evolving our knowledge. You never know it could have a positive impact on the world.Someone to spend time with. As I said, enough cringe from me. Remember, female responses only. This is not a dating ad, more oversharing about my want to change and move on in life, with or without a best friend.Take care and thank you for taking the time to read this.
In general, having people approach you, rather than you having to approaching them, is the main thing. People approach you because they want to. You approach people because...? People don't know why you want to approach them, and they might get scared and come up with their own reasons for why you're approaching them, and likely none of them are good reasons in their mind.
But people will approach you because they are interested in something about you. What kind of social situations contribute to an environment that supports that? The clichés about a talented musician, or the successful entrepreneur, are known, not because you should become someone you're not, but that you should take the things you know and are interested in, and expand upon them, enough to get others interested in what you're doing. Hopefully with enough people interested, someone who shares similar interests and values as you do.
Many people grow up abused, myself inclined, but that's not said to diminish your experiences in life. That's just to say that the people who were supposed to take care of you and teach you the things you need to know in life, didn't, so you have to teach yourself those things later in life, while also trying to undo the damage they've done to you. So hopefully things will work out for you in the long-run.
Thank you, but it doesn't help when influencers are making people out to be scary. Not everyone has evil in mind - well 97% of the world doesn't anyway. Masking, is exhausting, putting on a smile, a brave face and dressing sharp with a caviller attitude? You can't win. You go up to people looking miserable or emotionless? You can't win. It's always lose-lose sadly. Thank you for your response.
I just read what this thread has become, and it's not the first time that a thread was lead astray by politics. But I just wanted you to know that your voice is just as important as any of the others.
That being said, many survivors of abuse have an all-or-nothing, black-and-white type of thinking, from growing up in a dynamic with a power imbalance, that you're always wrong (failure, loser, not listened to, etc.) While they're always right (successful, winner, listened to, etc.). But any time that you notice that using words that are fixed, like "can't" or "always" as if it's 100% that way and never going to change, question those things. For example, "Is it really always going to be a lose-lose?" Just to try and open up more pathways, to untangle yourself from being stuck, and to try something new.
Ideally, you want to let go of this win-or-lose mentality, because winning or losing should not impact your value and worth as a human being. If you were working on something and something went wrong, if you take it personally you'll say things like "I'm a failure," but you should actually try and take things impersonally, like "that thing failed. Let me think of how to fix it." And that way, you engage your problem-solving abilities, and not your self-loathing abilities. The more you practice something, the better you get at it, and I'd like to think that if all you've ever practiced was self-criticism for hours and hours a day, then that's what you'll get better at, criticizing yourself. Instead, putting in the hours to something that benefits you, rather than something that tears you down, would be in your best interest to do.
I hope everything in life works out for you.