My Wildlife holidays.

thought I wpuld send this gor tomarow morning so I dont forget.

 its usualy tireing the day after an bad day which was Thirsday. which ks whu i was tired but it can alsp be tireing if youv been very anxious 

I cant wait for November for my mood tablets to be increased it needed to be done this month that was the idea of phoneing them was so that it cam help me with my moods amd anxiety. the whole idea was to help ms cope with my anxiety and moods.

I said to the staff that it meeds to be soon not more tham a couple of weeks or in a matter of months.  the ifea was sp that its  least mext week or soon at the latest as i cant wait but she saod the dpctors were too busy and the 26th Novber was the only apointment they had. . 

 exsperiamceing just as an example 4 or 5 differant emotions in a short time frame  all the same it can be very diffucult to cope with particularly if you have other things going on even though i dont show them even if the mood changes arnt obvious to others or shown in fromt of them. i do have a mood disorder cause  it is comorbid  it ocurs alongside my other disabilitys.  this is ons of the reasoms it cam happen and its usualy triggered by or in response to exsternal events so it probably hasnt helped as its an aditional diffuculty due to a disorder i have 

my amxiety. wihen it comss to transitions are allways exstremly stressful for me and cam also be a source of overwhelm sometimes im used to sitting woth a social worker talking about the process rather tham doing it without a meeting 

 it is part of my autosm I find these things diffucult and the process is usualy diffucult for me and my family. with transitions its exspecialy mafe more diffucult  when you have other anxietys on top. cause it is such a short time frame for me to get this list done and so i im now more anxious than the begining of the week. iv never had to write a list for the process before  and i will probably be even more Anxious on Saturday 

i dont know if the idea of mine about the social worker and the phone is a good oms or not but Its the whols idea of the possibility of Mum reading my reasons before sending it to the social worker as Mum will only look for a place if i give proper reasoms that will male my social worker belive another place will be better 

otherwise the social worker wont do it 

its the idea of Mum reading everytjing cause im not enotionaly open to her which is the stage before the social worker sees it that is causeing me to procasinate about sending it to her the reason aswell is that  she doesnt usualy understand the reasons about the care home and eberything. 

 the thought is making me uncomfortable which is causeing me to delay it im spite of how close it is.

I think this is ehat the issue is so I think  if it wasnt for this i would probably iv got this sorted soomer than the weekend but it couldnt be helped 

when im bery anxious it can make it hard to sleep and cause iv been very anxious iv been struggling woth that 

its one thing writeing everything down but in the end I will need to send thrm to Mum to send to my social worker  its the idea of it going to someone im not comfortable with that is what im struggling with 

I dont know if social workers allow residants of care homes to have there number though or weather she will allow it woth the idea i came up with below though so thats something thay was definatly worth noteing.

if anyome has any ideas let me know what you think of the idea of how to get around this barrier to getting it done 

edit: ps sorry about typing mistakes i thped this useing my phone and i find it diffucult to type on my phone unlike my laptop

Is the barrier that you want to speak straight to the social worker without your mum being involved? You are an adult. I am sure that this is possible.

This is just my feelings on the matter, but this is what I would be asking in your situation...

I would want my mum to tell my social worker that I find it hard to talk in person due to processing delays and other things to do with being autistic. I would ask my mum that you want the "reasonable accommodation" of being able to communicate with the social worker by email and not have time limits (due to anxiety).

Summary (to your mum)

• I want to be able to email my social worker (due to processing delays and social differences)
• I don't want time limits due to anxiety (for example, not to have to get a list by Monday)

When this is done, hopefully you can email your list to the social worker in your own time.

I appreciate that I am very different to you, so this may not be how you want to do things.

Is the barrier that you want to speak straight to the social worker without your mum being involved? You are an adult. I am sure that this is possible.

This is just my feelings on the matter, but this is what I would be asking in your situation...

I would want my mum to tell my social worker that I find it hard to talk in person due to processing delays and other things to do with being autistic. I would ask my mum that you want the "reasonable accommodation" of being able to communicate with the social worker by email and not have time limits (due to anxiety).

Summary (to your mum)

• I want to be able to email my social worker (due to processing delays and social differences)
• I don't want time limits due to anxiety (for example, not to have to get a list by Monday)

When this is done, hopefully you can email your list to the social worker in your own time.

I appreciate that I am very different to you, so this may not be how you want to do things.

Yes the thing is with Mum is that she does this quiet often there has been lots of ocasions where I havnt been able to fully exsplain things cause shes too quick to shoot them down before hearing someone out properly she can be not just stubborn sometimes but also quiet in patient

and this can be problomatic when it takes time for me to process and exsplain stuff I tryed to exsplain the best I could but I wasnt able to grt her to understand the reason given for wanting to send it to just her

. im lucky if i manage to get most of an exsplantion in but if that fails then any atempts tp be understood after that and to get her to try and listen and understand cam be diffucult to almost impossible 

where me and Mum can clash is when this happens as it causes me fustration she gets too inpatient for any kind of understanding to be established amd she isnt detail orientated amd tends to get fustraited when people go into details. 

another area where we clash is that Im very patient whereas Mum can easily get stressed and lose her patiance quickly.  I prefer to

I also prefer solutions to probloms rather than just sharing opinions and points of view and prefer to work things out rather than just taking the easy way out 

as that isnt allways the best way 

in this case its much easyer for her to keep this issue of me not being comfortable and un resonably exspect me to semd the reasons to someone im not comfortable woth which in this cade is her 

and i prefer to face didfucult probloms like this rather than just stressing out about them and exspecting things to just work out by themselfs when they arnt going to. 

to exspect someone to be send someone something when one is not comfortable enough is an un respnable exspectation to have but Mum has prefered to gamble with fate and set me up for failure rather than face the problpm head on and ask the social worker if i can send it to her directly 

Mum prefers things that dont require much thinking simple soloutions to every day probloms otherwise she gets stressed

she prefers to just look  at the whole picture whereas i look at the details just like Dad. 

while she has her reasons life isnt allways easy and sometimes you do have to do the diffuclt thing

I think that if Mum was more patiemt with me particularly when it comes to my semsory processong it would make it easyer to establish an understanding on the issue and wpuld help me to become more open to her on other issues also but she finds it diffucult she also struggles to understand my autism and learning disability and cause shes not autistic herself that makes things hard to 

with the tome limit I dont know why my social worker gave me until next Monday all I know is that she is on holiday until late October 

and I dont know if Mum will think it would be ok to ask

im also worried thay cause iv left it so late i may not be takem as sireously ad i need to be aimce i jave been givem until Monday 

the email thing seems like it would solve the her not being imvolved problom the only thing is that its not that I dont want to involve her i jist dont want her to be sent the reasons cause im not emotionaly open to her and not comfortable woth her 

and as you say she would see it that is the thing 

This is tough, Zo. I understand.

It is possible to include multiple people in an email. Your mum could still be an extra recipient.

She will be thinking that she has your best interests in mind. There may be all sorts of other factors that she doesn't want to add to your stress with. I'm sorry that she has shut this down.

What I can say is that I don't think that there really is a hard time limit. I think that if you said that you can't do this by Monday then it would actually be OK.

I think that your mum should be included. But what is tough for you is that you don't want to offend your mum. But you also need your own voice. I think that being able to email the social worker with your mum included will partly achieve this (but your mum would see it.)

yes that is the barrier. I have sugested to Mum of that i want send it starit to her cause that would make me feell more comfortable and why but   Mum thinks if i dont send it to her to pass on to the social worker that im leaving her out of the process by doing that and she wanted to be involved in it.

 shes concerned i dont want her involved in the process even though i said that it isnt that i dont want her involved and its not that she  wont be involved in the process and shes concerned cause she  thinks that i cant do it like this sending it strait to her cause she needs to still be involved in the process. 

she went funny cause of this rather than saying il ask and see or something like that at my request

she chose to repeate the social worker said to send it to me to send it to  her cause thats what she asked so you need to send it to me so i can see it and send it to her  thats what you need to do over and over and started speaking faster and faster then said  end of story im not talking about it anymore so she tryed to shoot the conversation down as if that will somehow solve the problom so she took it personally. Mum can be very stubborn and thinks that somehow not talking about these  things will just makes them go away just like that.