My Wildlife holidays.

im tired from yesterday since I had an overwhelming day. I dont know what today is going to be like but it seems calmer other than the radio i can hear from the kitchen every day and all day from my room of course and general every day noises. 

out of curiosity I have been wondering. it can be fustraiting when you dont have a name you can give people like non autisitcs or anyone really to describe an exsperiance you have in relation to autism. i know about scripting cause the resident with pathological avoidance syndrome does it on a daily basis every day. hers is rather things that she has heard people say or people have told her and can be to the point of making conversation diffucult for the non autistics that look after us in the care home so try to encourage her to talk about other things if it gets to that point cause she repeats the same thing shes heard over and over again every minute, every hour, every day and every single  every month. 

the kind that I have however is camaflauged so not picked up by neurotypicals around me in spite of the fact it comes up in my social interactions both in and out of them on a subconcious level. i am aware of it and allways have been since iv done it since i was younger for me i dont tend to  copy what people say or from what i hear people say in casual conversation or day to day life 

in normal day to day life I do have echolalia but it is as before camfalaged and so just percieved as normal during day to day interaction. it can be  exspecialy proniment if im on my own sometimes even though i do it when not alone aswell.  ever since i was younger Iv allways copyed things from tv and i can also both tell people what happened in every movie or in a whole epesode or series.  movie I can for instance write or tell you what happened in every single movie from memory from Harry potter and the philospher stone to the deathly hallows just  as an examle or any other speaical interest i can also remeber facts from memory all these iv allways been able to do since ii was a child. 

during watching tv or after we have watched something with dad or watever i have repeated things or certain phrases from a caracter or favourate character alot  that my parents have got iritated by it but i dont ever know until they say regardless of weather in a car or at home or out and about  but cant actualy help it and have been told to stop it or have been told thats enough now. i often find this stressful. 

 when I go into all the details of something iv watched when shareing an interest or fact  and talk about it for a long time.  due to my autism I dont get bored by it but my Mum and Dad do get bored of it but i dint pick up on there body language or notice if someone is interested or not and dont understand why even if exsplained to me or told so dont pick up on verbal or non verbal cues  they arnt if they arnt and when they arnt and I  thefore ask why but still dont unserstand and of course still want to talk about it even though im clever and intellegant and able enough you would think this is the sort of scenerio that wouldnt happen cause of that and i would be exspected to undertsand this in social interaction regardless of my knoledge and undertsannding in various topics where you would exspect my to have certain social skills due to them some i do and some i dont but there are  those i dont due to being on the autistic spectrum 

 there are things i dont due to my autism and that i do struggle in and not mastered and when my autism does come in to play due to my autism i do display this autistic trait with the people i know and talk to people about my speacial interests anyway 

same thing happens with the staff 

but at the same time it is a gift as i remeber things from my speacial interests and what was said and done. 

i often have cartoons and movies of speacial interests with scenes from movies and cartoons alot and remmeber all the details 

but more on the echolalia side  the kind  i have is called media scripting 

alot of the words i use or the way i say them is from things i have watched and things i have implemented from things i watched when i was a child and things from what i copyed as a teenager also that i implemented into social interaction it often doesnt get picked up cause the words used are ones even people not on cartoons or film may use or even if they are come across as so normal that no one would pick up on it. iv found theres more info on why of scripting and the form of scripting where people copy other people rather than media scripting in autism 

I "media scripted" when I was very young, and when I was a bit older I did it a bit from comedy programs. I think this made it seem less strange to non-autistic people because it was funny if I didn't do it too much. I had not heard the term "media scripting" before, so thank you for telling us what it was called.

Being able to talk for a long time about an interest and not knowing that other people have got bored is quite common to us all. Before I came more self-aware, I'd make the same joke about 50 times. It would get funnier to me, but less funny to other people.

"camouflaged" is a good word. When I was tested, I was tested for "camouflaging". One type of camouflaging was "masking", but there are others too.

It would be great to see some of your older cartoons. If you still have any.

most of them are pretty much the same when I was a child the main things i watched was pokemon scooby doo and harry potter so most of the things i copyed are from there. i also liked looney toons and scooby doo but the majority of words and phrases are from the pokemon series and Harry Potter and scooby do but Pokenon and Harry potter was the ones i copyed much more  when i was a teenager i was interested in Ben 10 and the land before time aswell as Harry Potter and Pokemon I also got into Avatar the legand of AAng and Kung fu Panda. then I got into more things like Kubo but the main themes my speacial interests centre around are usualy things with themes of  action adventure, comedy and the main characters are usualy kids or teenagers but mainly kids adults are normaly the  more background characters for background plots. 

"camouflaged" is a good word. When I was tested, I was tested for "camouflaging". One type of camouflaging was "masking", but there are others too.

i wouldnt say camaflageing in that sense  but rather its more like they just cant see it its like they got a smokescreen or blind fold over  there  eyes preventing them from seeing whats right in front of them no matter how perfectly obvious or un obvious it they dont notice it. the only differance is im copying  a scene that i know from pokemon or harry potter or something

my brain due to my autism sees the world like im one of the main characters from pokemon or harry potter  its like im the main character and the other person is in the scene  i watched so im  saying things the way iv learned to say them from pokemon or harry potter maybe even some from my other speacial interests 

 to the other person its just a normal every day interaction but to me and for me it is normal and to not display any characteristics and implement things from what i watch wouldnt be me so its me being me. 

a variety of pokemon and Harry potter from the epesodes and seasons in pokemon and throughout the Harry potter movies from Harry potter has been implemented into my social interactions but as these are things iv allways said and the way iv allways said them when i talk to people 

lthe way i say wait amoung many other various other things that are considered  normal  part of every day things you say i have  copyed from say ash and harry potter 

and cause people are so used to what i say and the way i say them and the way i do them and the way i respond both verbaly and non verbaly and  cause iv been doing this for so long  it they dont pick up on it. 

cause i wanted to be ash ketchum and Harry Potter i mirored them imitating both what they say, how they say it,  there manarisms, body language and posture and i implemented all these into my social interactions so this became normal for me and when I implemented them I mimiced there voices when doing so aswell so  tones from certain scenes i like from pokemon or Harry potter  are also normal for me cause i been doing it since i was a kid.

Mum and Dad used to take pictures and film us  alot when i was younger all the way up until i was a teenager. and i still have the videos belive it or not although it could easily be passed off as something else the media scripting is notiable but its only cause i know what i was thinking at the time, how i felt and how i engaged with people. i didnt care weather there was a camara or not im just going to be myself and that i wont let anyone stop me being who i am is the kind of atitide iv allways had so i never hid anyhting both off and on camara i also didnt think about how i (looked) to others regdless of what im doing if im just being me so i didnt care less what anyone seeing any films of me would think i was the same off camara too so you can say iv allways been this way and for this reason iv een abke to see and notice when im media scripting and also comes out in photogrhss i have also drawn scenes from my spacial interests in my books where i keep all my drawing iv done ever snce i was a child. im the only one in both my family or anywhere that actly knows that i media script and its very disinctive to me but even as a teenager no one ever knew i media script. as of after i left secondary school and ater people didnt take much photos ext at family gatherings but my media scripts are both obvious when un aware and un aware but you can also tell how it can be not noticed by my family and others as i dont do it on purpose and behave the same way off camara

even though  im tired from yesterday  im still very anxious and im getting more and more anxious the closer it gets to Sunday.  nothing gets rid of my anxietys at the care home.   there allways there every day and they never go away.  no distractions work either cause the anxietys are based on real events that have ocured and have come to exspect to happen through encountering the same. my mind has learned if it ever forgets about it reality will wake you up by putting me  in the same situations over and over so my mind has learned from 10 years of repetition and what is normal for the care home even though what is normal with how they do things how they aproach certain situations and then theres the manager that i also feell like doesnt understand me and  how the manager also doesnt understand when it comes to changes amoung many other things and how i feell like actualy it isnt actualy the right place to help with my independance being cause of the way they do things in that respect too and feell like independance wise im actualy getting less indepedance than when i first started here but even that feedback isnt understood and if being here just causes me more and more stresess every year its just not for me 

 for this care home the perspectives mabe different say for other people in the care home but for me i find the normal here  isnt my normal that im used to and although  this care home may compliment alot of the people here in the care home with  there needs here it doesnt for me.  it doesnt mean its a bad care home for people with learning disabilitys it t just means that the envirement and the way it works just isnt for me for the way i think and the way my conditions manifest themselfs for my disabilitys in my case.   the thing is with care homes it doesnt matter what my familys opinions are about it  not all care homes will be suitable.  one size doesnt fit all. so the focus is finding one that is.   i have noticed every year that stresess moount up with the majority related to the care home. if they changed how things  worked in this specific care home they wouldnt be doing there job so one of the few hurdles i will have to get through if things go well and im told yes we will find another acomodation from my social worker next monday i will need to try and get people to understand that iit is on them it is just a matter where this just happens to be one of those places that turn out not to acomade me but that it  doesnt mean it wont be the right place for another as they could. take it the wrong way particularly since i tend to be reseved as a way of dealing with usualy being anxious here  

 i knowt that my anxietys are very real and due to the care home im in i know im going to run into all the many things that cause my anxietys  all daily at this care home  cause i know that alot of the factors  cause me stress and i know there to do with real stresess that wont ever go away in alot of cases and I also know  theres only one or 2  day left. i got tomarow then sunday Mum will be have you done the list yet probably if i havnt sent it to her yet 

most of them are pretty much the same when I was a child the main things i watched was pokemon scooby doo and harry potter so most of the things i copyed are from there. i also liked looney toons and scooby doo but the majority of words and phrases are from the pokemon series and Harry Potter and scooby do but Pokenon and Harry potter was the ones i copyed much more  when i was a teenager i was interested in Ben 10 and the land before time aswell as Harry Potter and Pokemon I also got into Avatar the legand of AAng and Kung fu Panda. then I got into more things like Kubo but the main themes my speacial interests centre around are usualy things with themes of  action adventure, comedy and the main characters are usualy kids or teenagers but mainly kids adults are normaly the  more background characters for background plots. 

"camouflaged" is a good word. When I was tested, I was tested for "camouflaging". One type of camouflaging was "masking", but there are others too.

i wouldnt say camaflageing in that sense  but rather its more like they just cant see it its like they got a smokescreen or blind fold over  there  eyes preventing them from seeing whats right in front of them no matter how perfectly obvious or un obvious it they dont notice it. the only differance is im copying  a scene that i know from pokemon or harry potter or something

my brain due to my autism sees the world like im one of the main characters from pokemon or harry potter  its like im the main character and the other person is in the scene  i watched so im  saying things the way iv learned to say them from pokemon or harry potter maybe even some from my other speacial interests 

 to the other person its just a normal every day interaction but to me and for me it is normal and to not display any characteristics and implement things from what i watch wouldnt be me so its me being me. 

a variety of pokemon and Harry potter from the epesodes and seasons in pokemon and throughout the Harry potter movies from Harry potter has been implemented into my social interactions but as these are things iv allways said and the way iv allways said them when i talk to people 

lthe way i say wait amoung many other various other things that are considered  normal  part of every day things you say i have  copyed from say ash and harry potter 

and cause people are so used to what i say and the way i say them and the way i do them and the way i respond both verbaly and non verbaly and  cause iv been doing this for so long  it they dont pick up on it. 

cause i wanted to be ash ketchum and Harry Potter i mirored them imitating both what they say, how they say it,  there manarisms, body language and posture and i implemented all these into my social interactions so this became normal for me and when I implemented them I mimiced there voices when doing so aswell so  tones from certain scenes i like from pokemon or Harry potter  are also normal for me cause i been doing it since i was a kid.

Mum and Dad used to take pictures and film us  alot when i was younger all the way up until i was a teenager. and i still have the videos belive it or not although it could easily be passed off as something else the media scripting is notiable but its only cause i know what i was thinking at the time, how i felt and how i engaged with people. i didnt care weather there was a camara or not im just going to be myself and that i wont let anyone stop me being who i am is the kind of atitide iv allways had so i never hid anyhting both off and on camara i also didnt think about how i (looked) to others regdless of what im doing if im just being me so i didnt care less what anyone seeing any films of me would think i was the same off camara too so you can say iv allways been this way and for this reason iv een abke to see and notice when im media scripting and also comes out in photogrhss i have also drawn scenes from my spacial interests in my books where i keep all my drawing iv done ever snce i was a child. im the only one in both my family or anywhere that actly knows that i media script and its very disinctive to me but even as a teenager no one ever knew i media script. as of after i left secondary school and ater people didnt take much photos ext at family gatherings but my media scripts are both obvious when un aware and un aware but you can also tell how it can be not noticed by my family and others as i dont do it on purpose and behave the same way off camara

even though  im tired from yesterday  im still very anxious and im getting more and more anxious the closer it gets to Sunday.  nothing gets rid of my anxietys at the care home.   there allways there every day and they never go away.  no distractions work either cause the anxietys are based on real events that have ocured and have come to exspect to happen through encountering the same. my mind has learned if it ever forgets about it reality will wake you up by putting me  in the same situations over and over so my mind has learned from 10 years of repetition and what is normal for the care home even though what is normal with how they do things how they aproach certain situations and then theres the manager that i also feell like doesnt understand me and  how the manager also doesnt understand when it comes to changes amoung many other things and how i feell like actualy it isnt actualy the right place to help with my independance being cause of the way they do things in that respect too and feell like independance wise im actualy getting less indepedance than when i first started here but even that feedback isnt understood and if being here just causes me more and more stresess every year its just not for me 

 for this care home the perspectives mabe different say for other people in the care home but for me i find the normal here  isnt my normal that im used to and although  this care home may compliment alot of the people here in the care home with  there needs here it doesnt for me.  it doesnt mean its a bad care home for people with learning disabilitys it t just means that the envirement and the way it works just isnt for me for the way i think and the way my conditions manifest themselfs for my disabilitys in my case.   the thing is with care homes it doesnt matter what my familys opinions are about it  not all care homes will be suitable.  one size doesnt fit all. so the focus is finding one that is.   i have noticed every year that stresess moount up with the majority related to the care home. if they changed how things  worked in this specific care home they wouldnt be doing there job so one of the few hurdles i will have to get through if things go well and im told yes we will find another acomodation from my social worker next monday i will need to try and get people to understand that iit is on them it is just a matter where this just happens to be one of those places that turn out not to acomade me but that it  doesnt mean it wont be the right place for another as they could. take it the wrong way particularly since i tend to be reseved as a way of dealing with usualy being anxious here  

 i knowt that my anxietys are very real and due to the care home im in i know im going to run into all the many things that cause my anxietys  all daily at this care home  cause i know that alot of the factors  cause me stress and i know there to do with real stresess that wont ever go away in alot of cases and I also know  theres only one or 2  day left. i got tomarow then sunday Mum will be have you done the list yet probably if i havnt sent it to her yet