Published on 12, July, 2020
I’m not quite sure how to word this, but does anyone else find it hard to have calm discussions with others due to seeing things as more black and white? I often feel really strongly about particular things and ignore the grey area and just get really defensive when someone seems to say anything slightly different to my own opinion. It takes me a while to understand and acknowledge different perspectives. After I’ve taken the (long) time to do so I can clearly see where they’re coming from and will maybe change my own view slightly as well, but it doesn’t necessarily get better the next time the topic comes up and I still react too strongly.
There's this thing called maturity and not being a crybaby. If you want to be respected by NT's, last thing you want to do is have a trantrum, or show you're are upset. Laugh it off. they will respect you, for it shows you are strong. NT's only respect robustness. Even if you are annoyed inside. luckily i have an excellent poker face, and low reactivity to most things people say.
Aimée said:does anyone else find it hard to have calm discussions with others due to seeing things as more black and white?
This is quite a common autistic trait and one I had when I was younger.
It was only once I found my work took me round the world and I got to experience other cultures and opinions from the regional office staff that I started to consider my binary thinking was inadequate to accommodate the situaiton I was in.
I found the technique of mindfulness incredibly helpful to shape my opinions in the light of this wider world view and I also learned skills as a manager (negotiating, motivating and critical analysis amongst others) which led me to see the world though the eyes of others - this makes a lot of difference.
There are times when the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few so handling these situations when you have to chose a route that offends one party to avoid many others is a difficult one but hardens you to the reality of the world.
That was a bit of a ramble but I hope my path to overcoming this can show it is not fixed if you are willing to work on it.
I know exactly how you feel. The trick is to not overreact but to do a double take and try try to see the argument from the other person's point of view.
The fact that you acknowledge that you have this problem is a big step forward. Some people I know see almost everything black and white and their views are set in concrete.