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Massively overthinking and panicking after talking to people. I hate myself.

AutismRox
2 months ago

How do you cope with the massively overthinking and panicking after speaking to people?! I much prefer in person connection rather than online (ironically lol) but when I speak to people it comes out the wrong way, I accidentally probably offend people without meaning to, I overthink and overthink and overthink every single thing I said and wishing I hadn’t said it and wishing I hadn’t opened my mouth and hating myself so much and feeling so embarrassed and just wishing the ground would swallow me hole. I just hate myself. When I talk, it never comes out how I mean for it to. Or people misunderstand, or often I end up skipping loads of context out of what I say because I have half the conversation in my head not realising I haven’t said it out loud so people do not have context and therefore it can come out in the wrong way. I just want to hide. For the most part I love being autistic and my most authentic autistic self but in moments like this I just wish I wasn’t like this. I wish my brain would not overthink and panic to the extent it is. I feel like crying all because of one tiny comment I made which I am panicking came across in the wrong way. When in reality I don’t even know if anyone misinterpreted it in the way that I think they may have done. They probably aren’t even thinking about it. Yet I cannot sleep because of it. 

Does anyone else get this? I feel so terrible about myself. I am trying so hard to rationalise and mentally talk to myself about how no one probably is even thinking about it or even noticed anything but it is not helping to calm me down. Sometimes I wish I just went back to not speaking like I was before I unmasked. It’s like now I am completely unmasked I cannot and do not know how to go back to masking. I feel ashamed, 

Parents
  • 2 months ago

    Overthinking is usually what happens when we don't have grounded rules. The brain becomes a spinning beach ball of death, often at capacity. And when a computer does this, it's usually time to update. 

    You sound like you could use an 'updating' sort of process. Which, with humans can take some time. 

    First on masking. Everyone masks. The "Mask" was invented by Jung to explain a theory on how it's completely Normal to present a false self for the sake of the greater good. Non-Autistics, however, do this intuitively, while a process of repressing childish desires and inappropriate behaviours happens at a sub (merged) level of consciousness. However, they get rewarded for this - affirmed and approved of, as they have already received all the secret codes to understand how to present variations of the self, which afford one privacy at an intimate level. Autistics don't really mask. We just try SUPER hard to fit in with a social collective which we've not been given the rules to play with in. And trying really hard doesn't garner a reward, either. What I've come to accept about "unmasking" is a sort of stop trying to bother fitting in.

    But how to engage and make friends? Because we all do need them.

    My Rule has been this: learn to integrate your being. This takes time. What do you want? I mean in life? Allow yourself to find a vision for your future self. What kind of person are you? What are your beliefs and doubts? One can tell much about a person by what they spend money on, or invest in. What ethical qualities do you want to have, what is truer than true to you? And how can you begin to align your intention with action with words (vocabulary for us can be the tricky one).

    Become grounded in your own being. Know your values. Create appropriate boundaries. Then 'over-thinking' becomes a bit more of being diligent, checking in with my bias, remembering to simply approve of a NT friend and withhold all my alternate possibilities and holes in theories simply because we can afford each other our differences. They more than often put up with my thorough examinations of things or pleasantly say I should write a book or write them down when they've hit a limit.  

    It's always good to remember the Public Library is full of individuals who've over and beyond thought a great deal. Sometimes just turning every stone and realising they lived in a time pre-dating possibility, like the Alchemists, like Newton and so on. 

Reply
  • 2 months ago

    Overthinking is usually what happens when we don't have grounded rules. The brain becomes a spinning beach ball of death, often at capacity. And when a computer does this, it's usually time to update. 

    You sound like you could use an 'updating' sort of process. Which, with humans can take some time. 

    First on masking. Everyone masks. The "Mask" was invented by Jung to explain a theory on how it's completely Normal to present a false self for the sake of the greater good. Non-Autistics, however, do this intuitively, while a process of repressing childish desires and inappropriate behaviours happens at a sub (merged) level of consciousness. However, they get rewarded for this - affirmed and approved of, as they have already received all the secret codes to understand how to present variations of the self, which afford one privacy at an intimate level. Autistics don't really mask. We just try SUPER hard to fit in with a social collective which we've not been given the rules to play with in. And trying really hard doesn't garner a reward, either. What I've come to accept about "unmasking" is a sort of stop trying to bother fitting in.

    But how to engage and make friends? Because we all do need them.

    My Rule has been this: learn to integrate your being. This takes time. What do you want? I mean in life? Allow yourself to find a vision for your future self. What kind of person are you? What are your beliefs and doubts? One can tell much about a person by what they spend money on, or invest in. What ethical qualities do you want to have, what is truer than true to you? And how can you begin to align your intention with action with words (vocabulary for us can be the tricky one).

    Become grounded in your own being. Know your values. Create appropriate boundaries. Then 'over-thinking' becomes a bit more of being diligent, checking in with my bias, remembering to simply approve of a NT friend and withhold all my alternate possibilities and holes in theories simply because we can afford each other our differences. They more than often put up with my thorough examinations of things or pleasantly say I should write a book or write them down when they've hit a limit.  

    It's always good to remember the Public Library is full of individuals who've over and beyond thought a great deal. Sometimes just turning every stone and realising they lived in a time pre-dating possibility, like the Alchemists, like Newton and so on. 

Children