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Autistic burnout and guilt

Franklin

Hi guys this is my first time posting. I got diagnosed about a month ago after a 2 year process. I’m very happy with my diagnosis, I feel less lonely and more content with myself which is nice. However the past few months I’ve been feeling terrible mentally. I can’t sleep (been a problem all my life but sometimes is worse than others) and when I do sleep, that’s all I want to do all day. I don’t want to leave the house, I just want to disappear and be alone. Thought about taking a vow of silence which seems ridiculous haha but was a thought nonetheless! I work part time in retail, which is arguably the worst job for me. I have social anxiety disorder and bpd, and having to work with customers is hell for me. Especially when daily there is rude and aggressive people in our store. When I go in I usually have to be on the till for around 4 solid hours which is exhausting. I’ve had a few sick days lately so I can stay in bed and not have to talk to people. I feel super depressed and was thinking about taking a month off to recover and get back in a good headspace. I’m not sure how accommodating my work will be with this, and I am very worried about what my partner will think. She’s the nicest most supportive human ever, especially with my diagnosis. But any time I take off work I always feel so guilty and like I am the worst person in the world because I can’t function like a normal person. I feel like a waste of a human, because it’s such a simple thing to be working part time and a lot of people would kill for that. Do you guys ever get burnout and take time off work for it? How have your employers been about it? Is there anything you do that makes you feel less like a fraud? 

  • Burnout isn't much fun at all, it can also last a long while.

    It's what lead me to getting diagnosed in the end, as I had a really bad one. Can end up Paranoid, fatigued, totally depressed, having weird thoughts, it's awful.

    Best bet is to do what others have said, take it easy as much as you can, rest and listen to your own needs and take care of yourself.

    If you have any spins, spend some time on those, it helps recharge the positive thoughts.

    Don't pressure yourself too much and also, try not to go too much into isolation as it doesn't always help.

    Walks out in nature in quiet places help me when I'm really bad, with the dog for company, usually in the dark so there's less for my senses to deal with.

    I took always feel guilty, so I try to hide it from my wife and act normal to avoid the impact on her, but talking to her about it usually helps to be fair.

    Hope you feel better soon!

  • Hi Franklin

    You’re not alone, I don’t believe I have ever had burnout but this is fairly new to me and I think I might have possibly a few years ago. I work for myself and alone so work in general isn’t too much of a problem. I do sympathise though as I was employed over 20 years ago now and it was tough going. I suppose I would just say as the others have, be kind to yourself, when you are not at work be mindful of rushing around and creating panic (this is something I’m really conscious about now). Try to figure out little things you can do to avoid anxiety as much as possible, maybe try some meditation. 
    I am having a few bad days atm so I’m far from efficient at these practices but I think awareness can help you to control things to an extent.

    Hang in there and I wish you the best

  • You are not alone.

    Autistic burnout is traumatic and can last a long time. I feel I have been in an out of burnout for most of my adult life (over 30 years)

    Advice I have little to offer but be kind to yourself. It IS OK not to be like the normies.

  • Hello Franklin.  Welcome.

    Self-loathing and profound guilt are common to many of us here.  Wishing to NOT be around people is also immensely common too.

    I think we need to be careful not to become too isolated from the world.....even if we don't like it!  Personally, I find that just being out amongst the world is enough to keep me level-headed(ish) and socialised (just enough)......even if I don't actually speak nor meet with people and even if I have no purpose to be "out."  Forward motion keeps me sane and stops me from spiralling downwards [most of the time.]

    I recommend not putting too much pressure on yourself at the moment......just remain self-aware.  Don't try to push yourself to be "normal" or "like you normally are"......just concentrate on not loosing your sheep !! [if you know what I mean.]

    I don't have time resource to type more now, but I hope these words may be of some use to you.

    I hope to be seeing you around on the forum.

    Kind regards

    Number.

  • in reply to SpikeyMark

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  • Hi Franklin,

    Your post has struck a nerve with me.

    I have a super supportive partner too, but also feel immense guilt.

    I got diagnosed last month after nearly 3 years of rarely working and my wife working herself silly with a job she doesn't really like.

    I feel I have extreme burnout - but it's not like normal burnout. I've never had burnout in my life before, but then I seem to have got it all at once like my brain is just saying "no more!". I have been pretty useless the last several years.

    My wife is super supportive but I do get glimpses of impatience and can't really blame her.

    I'm still trying to come to terms with my diagnosis.

    Anyway - I'm don't really want to unload on you other then to tell you that you are not the only one who feels like this.

    One thing I can say for sure is that you absolutely are NOT a waste of a human.