Published on 12, July, 2020
I spent a lot of my life struggling with my sexuality and thought coming out as gay would give me the answers I needed as to why I always felt different. But 5 years on after coming out as gay and being in a happy relationship, I still feel I find daily life hard. Over the past few months I have discovered I may be autistic and feel a diagnosis would literally validate my life, however when I’ve asked close people to me whether they think I could be autistic they have said no not at all, so I’m very confused. I’ve listed below just a small number of significant things I’ve realised could make me autistic.
Childhood traits which felt “normal” and fine to me at the time:
Teenage traits:
Adult traits:
However, I also have a lot of non-typical autistic traits which very much confuse me. Examples of these are I love socialising and I am not very direct in communicating whatsoever, Infact the complete opposite and struggle to be honest and direct.
Thank you for anybody who has read this entire post. I don’t feel I can talk about this with anybody so writing down has helped.
I think exploring autism and making tests is interesting journey. The view of autism in the society generally is so incorrect, that it’s really hard to get a validation from family members or friends. They can even tell you, you can’t be autistic because there is nothing wrong with you, but after an hour they notice you being “weird” and then nothing will stop them from asking the question (question of my life) “what’s wrong with you?!”.
Thank you this is helpful! I think the problem is they see autism in a set way and because I don’t fit the way they see it, they don’t see me as autistic. And the other part is I feel I mask a LOT.