Published on 12, July, 2020
I spent a lot of my life struggling with my sexuality and thought coming out as gay would give me the answers I needed as to why I always felt different. But 5 years on after coming out as gay and being in a happy relationship, I still feel I find daily life hard. Over the past few months I have discovered I may be autistic and feel a diagnosis would literally validate my life, however when I’ve asked close people to me whether they think I could be autistic they have said no not at all, so I’m very confused. I’ve listed below just a small number of significant things I’ve realised could make me autistic.
Childhood traits which felt “normal” and fine to me at the time:
Teenage traits:
Adult traits:
However, I also have a lot of non-typical autistic traits which very much confuse me. Examples of these are I love socialising and I am not very direct in communicating whatsoever, Infact the complete opposite and struggle to be honest and direct.
Thank you for anybody who has read this entire post. I don’t feel I can talk about this with anybody so writing down has helped.
All three, I reckon It is a crap time when you feel you have to justify why you feel autistic. Before I was actually diagnosed, my therapist at the time actually said something very helpful despite not diagnosing me herself (after many sessions I put the idea to her, and she said "I don't think there are many people who feel they are autistic who are not.". We all have different traits - I did the staring thing well into my teens and still have to force myself not to do it and I'm in my 50s now I've always been super nostalgic - even in my 20s. It is nice to hear this because I have not heard this before. I've just picked these two, but a lot of the others resonate too. I've loads of non-autistic traits too. This is a cliche almost, but it really is a spectrum. We all have different traits and strengths of those traits. I hope that you are able to get tested. Finally - don't go by what others say. A good friend literally said that my diagnosis was a total surprise.
Thank you for your reply, it is very comforting for me! And probably very true that there are not many people who feel they are autistic and aren’t.
Interesting about the nostalgia too - I feel intense emotion when thinking of happy times/places/past experiences, past smells, music etc. As I feel so intensely about this I sometimes struggle with the present when I’m having a happy experience such as a holiday, as I am more concerned about how much I’m going to miss this moment - hope this makes sense!
Very glad this makes sense to you aswell
Totally makes sense. I wrote something a bit similar to this in one my many emails to my assessors.