Stimming

Hi again all,

Recently diagnosed aged 35 after a life of feeling like I didn't really exist and eventually I'd either wake up or they'd shut me away in a facility.

As a child I began stimming in ways that unfortunately met with bullying, as I was assumed neurotypical and kids and teachers are cruel.

Over the years I was quite successfully socially conditioned on the surface but everything was awful and tiring - I assumed this was my lot in life until a breakdown let to an ASD referral from a really astute fantastic GP. 

The loveliest person during the process after hearing about my self harm (head hitting mainly) told me to "stim my little heart out"

Well I didn't know what that would look like and I thought it'd take years to undo the masking but shortly after I stopped monitoring myself with a microscope my stimming began and it honestly feels like I'm purging 30 years of tension - I thought I'd feel like an imposter but I feel like me for the first time since early childhood (which I have surprisingly clear memories of)

I suppose I'm posting because I would like to know if others have felt this relief and surprise when their mind and body were finally allowed to communicate. It's a post for celebration but also ironically normalising all this a bit for me because everything is so different and it feels very sudden. 

I hope you are all doing well and thanks for reading