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Hating being told no

HMO
3 months ago

I don't know if my grief is causing me to act out or something, but I feel really sensitive to being told no. Even if it's something I raise to my parents of "I want to go to this place" and the thing in question is, practicality wise, extremely difficult, I hate being told no. 

I feel like something is taken away from me. Like they're telling me "you're stupid and you know nothing and you should stop talking", but then I am used to people like my brother saying that more outwardly.

There's a separate discussion as to whether I should even have to ask at the ripe old age of 27, and with most things I wouldn't consider it, but maybe it's also demand avoidance. 

Parents
  • 3 months ago

    I have no advise, but I do sympathise as I sometimes used to feel similar before I moved out of the family home.

    In many respects, my parents were fairly laid back, but made it clear that they expected me to abide by their rules while I was living under their roof.

    During my late teens, I used to spend a lot of time at a friend's house. There were occasions when I sometimes wouldn't return home until after my parents had gone to bed. No matter how quiet I tried to be, I almost always managed to disturb them.

    As a young adult, I felt I should be able to come and go as I pleased. Therefore, I didn't take kindly to them telling me that if I wasn't home by a certain time, I risked being locked out of the house.

    Now that I'm middle-aged and sharing a home with my adult son, I can sort of understand some of the boundaries that my parents had set me.

    When your parents say no to you, do you ever challenge them and ask them why, or try to see if some kind of compromise can be reached? If not, then it might be worth thinking about.

  • 3 months ago in reply to Sporadic Sparkly
    Sporadic Sparkly said:
    When your parents say no to you, do you ever challenge them and ask them why, or try to see if some kind of compromise can be reached? If not, then it might be worth thinking about.

    Sometimes. Most times I can't think of an answer on the spot. I know their attitude is one of "let's put it off and hopefully he'll forget about it and shut up already".

    That's always been the general vibe wherever I go. If I dare open my mouth, I'm told to shut up. 

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  • 3 months ago in reply to Sporadic Sparkly
    Sporadic Sparkly said:
    When your parents say no to you, do you ever challenge them and ask them why, or try to see if some kind of compromise can be reached? If not, then it might be worth thinking about.

    Sometimes. Most times I can't think of an answer on the spot. I know their attitude is one of "let's put it off and hopefully he'll forget about it and shut up already".

    That's always been the general vibe wherever I go. If I dare open my mouth, I'm told to shut up. 

Children
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