Wife wont understand Aspergers and my Daughter and her Boyfriend and me! Help I dont know where to turn!
Over the years ive had a few issues where the wife has blown a fuse and I just dont know why! Last year after yet another blow off at me which I just didnt see coming my wife that having done a psychology degree and covered autism she felt I might have Aspergers, of which I did some tests which quite highly showed yes I did and went through the motions to get a formal diagnosis which after seeing shrinks who confirmed I wasnt at risk to myself or others and yes its highly likely an Aspie and would refer me to a specialist to do the rest of assessment.
Now I thought this would help us move on and for to understand that sometimes when I say things its not because im just being an ass and Im not belittling her or ripping her abilities apart etc. Sadly I feel this has made no differrence and to be honest I think its getting worse as she snaps at the smallest thing and I feel she just doesnt Love me anymore.
Things are further stained because recently my Daughter who is 17 has come to live with us and she also has Aspie quite bad and some elelments are really impacting her day to day life. Now after looking into Autism its opened my eyes up and have seen so many signs that with hindsight are just obvious but my wife just feels I'm making up excuses up for her, to her I get the feeling she just doesnt not like my daughter who has been nothing but polite to her and I have taken my wifes two children on as my own and done eveything you would expect of a dad, even sometimes Ive disagreed with the way she has reacted or spoken to her own kids.
To be honest at times she is like two different people, happy to talk to then wooosh she is snapping, shouting at me, her kids etc.
Now today my daughter has had a fall and got upset as you can guess, she has numerous sensory issues which didnt help things. Now she has a boyfriend who is also an aspie and he is really hit with the understanding social stuff and he sent me the following message on facebook which my wife got as well but she went ape with it.
Message from boyfriend....
Right. Emily is feeling like *** (Head ache - Sensory overlaoded). She does not want for you to come get her. JSR asked her and I have also. I sometimes pick her up on school days (Am setting off right now). This is to just let you know she feels somewhat ill, in my opinion you should know she is ill even if she does not let you come get her. Bye.
End message.
my reply....
"She should know to just ring, if she rang at the time you messaged me i had car and could have picked her up and she might not have fallen. If im available n not out doing something and there's an issue i dont mind, crikey i feel like hell with headache n sore throat at minute! I'll pick her up from your's when Debs gets in."
End message.
my wife then replied to his message to me....
This is debs, couldn't help but notice the message. I would offer to pick her up on way home but after just reading jakes message I'm so f..king fuming its best I keep away as I don't know if I can keep my mouth shut. I don't care what issues either of them have if he sent a text like that to me I'd take his head off.
end message.
Now i didnt see anything wrong with his message other than perhaps last bit but I understand his social communication issues and didnt see it as an issue to be honest as I know it wasnt in malace. Then my wife came back in from shopping and obviously wasnt happy and had a right moan and I told her yes I'd seen it but I didnt see it as demanding attitudy or anything like that as I understand how he thinks now Ive known him a few months now and too be honest at times between the three of us I feel its the only time im really understood! I tried to tell her as done psychology she should understand its just his autism etc and not meant in a mean aggressive way as he just doesnt understand those kind of emotions etc, but then she used my daughter that i use her autism as an excuse for her all the time.
I'm at a loss where, who, what I can say that this is not the case and all these blow outs are really Are getting me down and I cant see where I can go to help her understand us more, after all she was the one who first suggested I was an Aspie yet despite her saying she recognised this she seems very unedicated on the subject at the same time. Really dont know where to turn or what to do next, I just feel my marriage is slipping away.
Could you offer any advice, is the message my Daughters Boyfriend agressive and have I read it wrong? Any help or for that matter your thoughts on the matters overall would be greatly recieved so I can try fix whats looking to be broken before its broken beyond repair.
with thanks
Andrew F-G