Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi I am an autistic adult who is 21 and am really struggling at the moment with my life skills. I am currently taking music as a course in which is an interest of mine however I am struggling to communicate and have no friends apart from one that isn't on my course who I met from somewhere else. So can be very lonely most of the time.
At the moment I am very shut off about my interests as well as other general conversation in which I feel uncomfortable with even other autistic individuals. It's like I wish to talk to people but I shut off and find myself unable to talk. Sometimes I end up trying to dissociate and stare deep into thin air in which I have been caught on a couple occasions doing. I almost feel like there is a world inside my head and nobody actually knows me because all my thoughts are kept inside.
Another issue on hand is that I am unable to go out by myself as I am scared about bad things happening to me. I am scared because I am a woman but also because I feel like a very vulnerable adult. I feel as if it is strangers I am the most scared of because of crime that I hear about. I also have a history of a difficult relationship about a year ago which is still impacting me. I feel as if I have a lot of emotional wounds as this person was quite abusive which I think is impacting all of this as well as a lack of support. I have had therapy to do with this as well as social anxiety.
Hello,
It sounds like you're dealing with a lot right now. It's great you have music as an outlet and a supportive friend. Therapy is a strong first step, but know there are resources MaryKayInTouch for autistic adults. Consider joining online autistic or seeking social skills groups for autistic individuals.
You're still studying in school, so it's okay that you don't have everything figured out yet. Communication is a skill that can be worked on and practiced over time. I'm not sure how long you've had anxiety for. Did you always have it, or did it happen just after your previous relationship? Either way, it's good that you got some therapy for it. It is very nerve-wrecking to think about how to be independent.
I was also once a very nervous person, who struggled with communication, who was scared to go outside due to the fear of bad things happening to me, scared of finances and anything number related, and I was abused for about two decades of my life growing to, so it was no wonder that I was a nervous wreck all the time. But you just have to take minor steps, and get yourself into a better mental state, develop some skills for speaking up, and try connecting with people to the best of your ability. Improve your physical and mental health. Learn more skills that helps with your independence.