Published on 12, July, 2020
A direct quote from Robbie Williams within an interview he did a year or so ago.
I'd be surprised if this is an uncommon experience on here. The extent of my people-pleasing is that the thought of hurting someone, even unintentionally, is horrendous. When it actually happens, it's even worse.
It's the thing of "are they going to be so angry with me that they'll try to hurt me?", and when that has been proven to be true, it's hard to not believe that. When you have also turned the entire world against you like I have, you're pretty much stuck with that feeling. The "you need to move on" advice becomes even more unhelpful.
My extent of people pleasing is "I will make them happy no matter the cost."
No matter what it takes, even if it ends up with negative consequences for me, I will seek to make someone happy or make them like me. It's often been the case at work where I'll take on more jobs and deadlines than I can cope with, with no additional reward.
I think it's also a thing of perfectionism for me. If it's not perfect, then it's not right.
Heck, I even damaged my eyesight through studying at college - optician told me I should probably ease off the home studying for a while. Just wanted those good grades to keep everyone happy, haha.
For me, it's an "observing society" sorta thing. I've learnt that people who work hard, make other people happy, are liked. Trying to unlearn this and stop masking this way is something I'm still learning to do.
Please let me know when you manage that. people pleasing (fawning) and masking are something that has gone on for far too long with me.