Published on 12, July, 2020
It doesn't have to be some big accolade, but something which you think about and are like "I'd love to have the opportunity to do that".
When I was younger, I used to think that the three biggest accolades were X Factor winner, Nobel Prize, MBE. In that order.
I would quite like to be a ghost singer in a Disney film or something, where I basically do the singing bits and no one knows who it is, so I can be a part of something potentially big that connects with people but also keep anonymity. A bit like with the first High School Musical film, where Zac Efron's voice was blended with Drew Seeley's, as they casted Zac after they'd written the songs, and his voice was a bit deep for most of them.
It's more about doing something for me, rather than just to impress others, although I'd be lying if I was to say I didn't want to prove all the people who think I'm a piece of sh*t completely wrong.
As a kid, I used to just let other people win races, just so they can be happy. I mean I could have won the race, but I enjoyed seeing them happy more than I enjoyed winning. But then I realized that some people love to rub their wins into other peoples faces, and talk down to them, but those same people hated it when they lost and other people won. Their reactions kind of shocked me.
Some family members had big egos. As I child they always just put me down. I used to draw a lot, and they only had discouraging words to say to me, they doubted me, laughed at me, embarrassed me, and even though I was heartbroken, I still decided to go against the bad things, and continue practicing.
Fast forward many years later, and the same family members had put me down again, so I posted all my art up, and once they visited us again, and they saw my skill level, their jaws dropped. They were so amazed by it. But then they wanted to force me into situations where I would teach their kids for free, so that their kids would become child prodigies, while in the next sentence, they would say bad things to put me down to make themselves look better! Wow. What utter lack of self-awareness they have. They haven't given me any good reasons on why I should help them. If I grew up as a child discouraged by them, why the hell do they think I would then just turn around and teach their child for free, while tolerating being berated by them? Who do they think I am? These egotistical people have no skills of their own. Otherwise they'd be the ones teaching their children! What nut cases.
I don't even want to prove all those people wrong. They'll berate you, regardless of whether you fail or succeeed, and then they'll try to use you for whatever you have. They don't know how to put in the time or effort to teach themselves anything of value, and as time passes, it becomes more and more evident, their IQ are not that high, their skills are negligible, and yet all they have is their ego to try to force things to happen in their favor.
I personally don't know what I want to achieve, as it's always seemed empty to me, like once I achieved something, I'm left wondering "now what do I do?" I ultimately just want to be happy, and I want to see other people be happy, but then I've encountered too many people who want to see my downfall, although I don't really get why. I'm not in a competition with them. I am just learning what makes me happy, and I wish they'd do the same thing.