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Had a nice evening yesterday

Rach91

Hi as I posted on here yesterday was the 3 year anniversary of my mums death. It was an emotional day but I had a nice evening with my friend Rikki we had pizza watched Star Trek which isn’t really my cup of tea but it was ok. It’s really nice as we are getting on a lot better as I have been working hard on trying to change my behaviour it’s not perfect still but it’s getting there. Last night was really nice and he understands as he also lost his mother a few years before me. We are both on the spectrum as well and we love acting like big kids the only downside to last night was walking home late at night he normally drives me home but his car is still in the garage at the moment. 

  • in reply to Iain

    It definitely worth it we are not really a couple we used to date but things got complicated but we are working on things again but it’s extremely complicated but things are slowly starting to work again between us. We had a discussion and we agreed to spend Sundays together we go to circus eruption it’s a charity for children with additional needs and for adults as well but on different days to learn circus skills we go every Sunday together. After that we chill in the afternoons sometimes we have food together in the evenings sometimes we don’t but that’s our Sundays together. We also agree to see each other one evening in the week for the time being and that space really helps but we talk every day on the phone for a short while which makes a huge difference and we always say gd night before bed it’s a comfort to me but the way we have agreed to make things work temporarily is going well and the arguments have cooled down a lot and it gives me chance to see my other friends and to focus on looking for work and finishing off my degree as well. 

  • Rach91 said:
    I have been working hard on trying to change my behaviour it’s not perfect still but it’s getting there.

    It's great that the anniversary didn't bring too much gloom with it - I hope you found the time to remember your mum in a very upbeat way and remember the good in her life.

    We are all works in progress so celebrate the small wins.

    Rach91 said:
    We are both on the spectrum

    One thing I would recommend for you is a monthly "state of the union" type meeting where you talk explicity about:

    • how agreed things are going - eg allocation of chores, whether appointments are being kept, upcoming events etc
    • stuff that is starting to get on your nerves - eg leaving dishes on the coffee table, clothes on the floor, poor personal hygine etc
    • ideas for upcoming events - expecially date nights (these actually take some effort to organise).
    • Anything else on your minds.

    This is a bit mechanical but gives a chance for a clear presentation of practical stuff, some emotional stuff and a reminder of upcoming events.

    It stops things sliding or (especially for autists) going unsaid or assumed for too long.

    By having that meeting where you are supposed to talk about uncomfortable stuff if it is there is the best way to stop things growing out of proportion.

    It also gives the chance to find ways to make it better - if you want a role play date night then this is the place to suggest it.

    Relationships take work but they are worth it.