Too much in my head

Been a while since I posted on here, but I just need advise or help, or something.

My head feels like it’s going to explode. I can’t express anything, it’s all just locked up inside. I have a fear response to sharing as I think I’ll be judged or ruin friendships/relationships. I even don’t feel comfortable sharing with my counsellor. Honestly, I just feel a bit desperate and lost. I watch people succeed in life and achieve what they want while my dreams feel so distant impossibilities that people won’t acknowledge even if I did express them.

I feel very on the edge at the moment. I’m 31 but feel like I have no time left in life to get to where I want to be. 

I feel desperately alone most of the time. I want to feel alive.