Possible PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance) ?

PDA is a specific autistic profile - meaning that the autistic person has a persistent drive for autonomy and that the nervous system can perceive hierarchy, inequality or authority (loss of autonomy) as threats to survival. There are many other PDA experiences, here are some links to more information:

https://youtube.com/@kristyforbes?si=8VZw1mCxYy0Q-IRy

This YouTube channel is by Kristy Forbes who is an adult PDAer who specialises in supporting other PDAers and families. Really important information about the PDA nervous system on this channel.

More videos about PDA by PDAers:

https://www.youtube.com/live/ryWUrEoZgDY?si=mAng1ROmdrYdLuPm

https://www.youtube.com/live/cqf9hlpSz5E?si=-1rcYoZEbuNbiayf

You may also want to visit the Autism Understood website and search for PDA specifically.

I hope this helps.

My diagnosis report states the profile type as PDA.

It's taken a while  to figure out what that really means, there's so many things that I do which are PDA driven but I wasn't aware. I used to just think it manifests as procrastination , but it's so much more than that. 

Demand can come in many forms and my reaction to it can be almost allergic, like I'm startled by some things and fight or flight (or freeze) can kick in.

These range from invites to social events, people popping up with a message saying "got a min to talk?" , things I need to do at work that I don't feel bought into (I'm not great with just being told, I have to "believe" to do things) 

It's all good fun!

I completely understand your comment below, after all it's a threat response.

Autisician said:

Demand can come in many forms and my reaction to it can be almost allergic, like I'm startled by some things and fight or flight (or freeze) can kick in.

Autisician said:

It's taken a while  to figure out what that really means, there's so many things that I do which are PDA driven but I wasn't aware. I used to just think it manifests as procrastination , but it's so much more than that. 

I understand why your response to a demand may seem like executive functioning differences such as procrastination or inertia as you say, however it is obviously much primitive than that.

Autisician said:

These range from invites to social events, people popping up with a message saying "got a min to talk?" , things I need to do at work that I don't feel bought into (I'm not great with just being told, I have to "believe" to do things) 

You mention you need to believe in order to do things, this makes lots of sense as it is very common for many of us autistics (including myself) and particularly PDAer's to need to be intrinsically motivated in order to do anything. I for example always need to know that there is a logical reason for doing something, and I think it's partly due to being monotropic as my attention is so focussed that I don't have extra attention tunnels to spread elsewhere.

On the surface level, it's almost like your threat response allows for more processing time for these tasks, however i am obviously aware that it's the demand itself that triggers the loss of autonomy and not the actual nature of the task. 

As an adult I would hope you have more autonomy over your life and can set boundaries for demands that are triggering your nervous system.

I completely understand your comment below, after all it's a threat response.

Autisician said:

Demand can come in many forms and my reaction to it can be almost allergic, like I'm startled by some things and fight or flight (or freeze) can kick in.

Autisician said:

It's taken a while  to figure out what that really means, there's so many things that I do which are PDA driven but I wasn't aware. I used to just think it manifests as procrastination , but it's so much more than that. 

I understand why your response to a demand may seem like executive functioning differences such as procrastination or inertia as you say, however it is obviously much primitive than that.

Autisician said:

These range from invites to social events, people popping up with a message saying "got a min to talk?" , things I need to do at work that I don't feel bought into (I'm not great with just being told, I have to "believe" to do things) 

You mention you need to believe in order to do things, this makes lots of sense as it is very common for many of us autistics (including myself) and particularly PDAer's to need to be intrinsically motivated in order to do anything. I for example always need to know that there is a logical reason for doing something, and I think it's partly due to being monotropic as my attention is so focussed that I don't have extra attention tunnels to spread elsewhere.

On the surface level, it's almost like your threat response allows for more processing time for these tasks, however i am obviously aware that it's the demand itself that triggers the loss of autonomy and not the actual nature of the task. 

As an adult I would hope you have more autonomy over your life and can set boundaries for demands that are triggering your nervous system.

Another point, it’s like by reframing the demand about washing the dishes you now have a logical reason for doing the task in the first place and therefore this signals safety for your nervous system.

Thanks for providing such great insight into your PDA experience!

Autisician said:

Before I knew properly what PDA is, I thought I just had typical autistic intertia, executive function issues and hypersensitivity (physical and emotional)

I completely understand why, after all it almost presents like that to an observer who knows nothing about PDA autistics. Obviously your threat response is much more instinctive and pervasive (hence the name pervasive drive for autonomy).

Another key point about PDA experience is often the inability to even do things that you want to do, as Kristy Forbes describes in her YouTube channel this is often due to the fact that the nervous system is constantly trying to maintain a sense of equilibrium and therefore engaging in any interests for example which could lead to heightened emotions and therefore trigger a threat response.

This aspect of the PDA experience conflicts other autistic profiles. We share interest based nervous systems but for autistics like me (not PDA) it’s very easy to engage in interests. Does this resonate with you?

Autisician said:

Anything I feel I'm being herded into, made to do, expected to do etc. Fits. I think I can attribute a lot to it.

This is very interesting and I heavily relate to it! I am definitely a non conformist and I think being autistic allows us to question the status quo which can ultimately lead to positive change. You seem very much like an individualist.

Autisician said:

For example if the wife says "can you do the dishes while I'm out?" Instinct is to be angry at her demand and not do it, (which I always felt was an odd response given she asked nicely and I'm not a horrible person). If I replay it to myself as "I might be able to do those dishes while she's out and that would make her day a little less busy"  I seem to then be able to get on with ok, as I like to think I'm being helpful and it was "my idea" so I have the autonomy back. 

This is a great example and shows how important phrasing is in relation to demands and maintaining equilibrium in the nervous system. I completely understand how reframing the demand helps.

Thank you for sharing your experience. We have often wondered if our son's profile is towards PDA. We have learnt rather than to ask him to do something to hint or mention something, as this then gives him opportunity to make the decision himself.

You write about PDA better than anyone else I have read on these pages.  You really do seem to have a handle on / understanding of it.....in a very resonant way.

Before I knew properly what PDA is, I thought I just had typical autistic intertia, executive function issues and hypersensitivity (physical and emotional)

Now I've been able to look into it more and reflect on it, It's definitely becoming clearer now that a lot of things are PDA driven.

Even things like going to sleep at night, I fight against and sit watching rubbish on TV, especially if it wasn't my choice to call it a night and go up to bed. What I eat (or don't) during the day, especially if someone has said I should. Then there's tasks I have in my head that I don't do even when I have time during the day. Anything I feel I'm being herded into, made to do, expected to do etc. Fits. I think I can attribute a lot to it.

I find if I can try and hold off the initial reaction and try and adjust what I'm thinking it helps. Changing the context works for me.

For example if the wife says "can you do the dishes while I'm out?" Instinct is to be angry at her demand and not do it, (which I always felt was an odd response given she asked nicely and I'm not a horrible person). If I replay it to myself as "I might be able to do those dishes while she's out and that would make her day a little less busy"  I seem to then be able to get on with ok, as I like to think I'm being helpful and it was "my idea" so I have the autonomy back. 

Hardest part is overuling the instinctive reaction, sometimes I have to just wait and then think about doing something after it subsided and I can think more objectively about it.

Also the instinctive reaction assigns blame, It will blame the person nearest to the situation for it, when it's the demand, not the person that's the issue. A bit like when someone changes plans last minute, I used to blame them, or the plan itself, rather than just being aware that I was triggered by "the change".

As you say it's easier as an adult, mainly being more mature and aware of myself, as a kid I wasn't so much. I always (and still sometimes do) felt like it's a rebellious streek in me, like a petulant child, but now I know it's part of my ASC.