Published on 12, July, 2020
This is just an extension of things not making sense to us.
I've known of people telling me that as an adult, friendships are very different and hanging out together and having a fun time isn't something people have the time for. At the same time, I'd see photos of them on Instagram at a theme park or basking in the sunshine or whatever, and fairly regularly.
I get it, adult friendships ARE different to those you had as a child, but I don't get why people tended to discourage me, or made me feel bad for wanting those experiences.
Especially as I didn't get to have much of them as a child so there's a degree of "wanting to make up for it" now, as someone in my mid 20s.
I'm sure someone will tell me that I'm reading into it too much, or I've misinterpreted it.
I’m not sure this was a discouragement. And it may have even been an attempt to explain something different.
Most Children can go to the park and hang out with whomever and go home and forget about them. Time is sensed as limitless and there’s no finite impending doom of death and taxes looming.
Once these play a role in your demands (spoons), you can find yourself limited and desire to connect and create community, even if it’s two close friends and a set lot of work acquaintances. You have to learn to say no in order to focus on these Investments. Which is what they become. We need community as we age, inter-dependant peers and mentors with shared values. If we like, we can start a commune with them, share land tax and bills and show up when they need help as part of the Social Contract.
the slice of time I give another can be expensive- or at the expense of something which is better for my future.
It’s quite sensible if you think about it. Wouldn’t advise to be indebted to someone you’re not fond of. Every social exchange costs something. Nothing is free, essentially - and that can be an anchor of a lesson, one I was told direct in my late 20s but didn’t quite make full sense of till mid 30s
My interpretation was that they were dismissive, but I guess there was the double empathy thing in play coupled with my often weak ability to actually explain fully what I mean. It's little wonder that people misinterpret things.
I did used to go about things in the way that I thought friendships worked. I tried to make plans to travel to London and meet people there - to be fair, that one worked out fine, but the actual process was one I tried to take on almost entirely by myself, so unsurprisingly it became more stressful than it needed to be.
I think now, I'm a bit more selective. Not just in terms of the things I actually want to do (as opposed to sometimes doing things for the sake of them) but knowing that I could just speak to someone about it, rather than trying to take matters into my own hands.