Internalising a formal ASC diagnosis

For me the big negative is that I had to face the fact that some things will ALWAYS be difficult to impossible for me. 

I lost hope that things will improve for me.

But I also realsed that everything I have achieved up to the present date was in ignorance of my "disabilty", I.E. I had been fighting wearing the blindfold of ignorance whilst having one hand tied behind my back (Autism). 

Keeping with the fighting metaphor, having the blindfold removed is not initially helpful. (The fight of life still goes on and for a while it's easier to keep ones eyes shut because the light hurts) Initially post diagnosis I actually did a litte worse, and felt I had lost myself. 

Recently I've been obtaining insight as to how I present to the outside world through the spate of Autistic characters appearng on the T.V. and my ever helpful o/h bringing my attention to the ones that resemble me, or at least aspects of me. Can't say it's pretty, but it is a part of ME and it's no longer clamouring for recognition. And it's a PART of me, not the whole thing. 

Like I indicated, self-reintegration has taken me 3-4 years, but I now respect my own achievements in life more than I used to, and expect to do slightly better overall in life, as I can certainly shorten the duration of my "blunders" or miscommunictaions as soon as I see them develop. 

I've found family and friends not so much sympathetic, but less likely to get annoyed at some of the things I do, but also less inclined to accept leadership from me, when it's my "turn".

I have sympathy and respect for disabled people who struggle and keep pressing on anyway, (Never give up! Never Surrender!)

Some adapt so well that despite the missing leg or gammy hand their disability is not the first thing that they see, and not so upsetting when you do. You see them here, working the problems and talking about real thngs rather than just complaining about "muh Autism". 

MY kid is Neurodivergent and as she says "You aren't ragghing on me for being intrinsically different, YOU have to adapt to ME in teh areas where I cannot perform as you would like me to. 

Although I lacked the insight to undertand my limitations (due to the undiagnosed AUDD) I've proven that I can pass military basic traiing, get qualifications, do good work, and I hold a (now lapsed) pilot licence so I am clearly able to function at a reasonably high level, compared to the average NT, so I'm not really "disabled" (no "free money" for me, sadly, unless I lie my *** off), just socially FUBAR. 

I can live with that. After I have, so far....

For me the big negative is that I had to face the fact that some things will ALWAYS be difficult to impossible for me. 

I lost hope that things will improve for me.

But I also realsed that everything I have achieved up to the present date was in ignorance of my "disabilty", I.E. I had been fighting wearing the blindfold of ignorance whilst having one hand tied behind my back (Autism). 

Keeping with the fighting metaphor, having the blindfold removed is not initially helpful. (The fight of life still goes on and for a while it's easier to keep ones eyes shut because the light hurts) Initially post diagnosis I actually did a litte worse, and felt I had lost myself. 

Recently I've been obtaining insight as to how I present to the outside world through the spate of Autistic characters appearng on the T.V. and my ever helpful o/h bringing my attention to the ones that resemble me, or at least aspects of me. Can't say it's pretty, but it is a part of ME and it's no longer clamouring for recognition. And it's a PART of me, not the whole thing. 

Like I indicated, self-reintegration has taken me 3-4 years, but I now respect my own achievements in life more than I used to, and expect to do slightly better overall in life, as I can certainly shorten the duration of my "blunders" or miscommunictaions as soon as I see them develop. 

I've found family and friends not so much sympathetic, but less likely to get annoyed at some of the things I do, but also less inclined to accept leadership from me, when it's my "turn".

I have sympathy and respect for disabled people who struggle and keep pressing on anyway, (Never give up! Never Surrender!)

Some adapt so well that despite the missing leg or gammy hand their disability is not the first thing that they see, and not so upsetting when you do. You see them here, working the problems and talking about real thngs rather than just complaining about "muh Autism". 

MY kid is Neurodivergent and as she says "You aren't ragghing on me for being intrinsically different, YOU have to adapt to ME in teh areas where I cannot perform as you would like me to. 

Although I lacked the insight to undertand my limitations (due to the undiagnosed AUDD) I've proven that I can pass military basic traiing, get qualifications, do good work, and I hold a (now lapsed) pilot licence so I am clearly able to function at a reasonably high level, compared to the average NT, so I'm not really "disabled" (no "free money" for me, sadly, unless I lie my *** off), just socially FUBAR. 

I can live with that. After I have, so far....

Thanks for that, I Sperg. Like the other respondents on here, it is encouraging to hear that there is a path through this. Like them also, the path does require reconciliation to the diagnosis. Looks like I may need to be more deliberate about this rather than hoping it will 'sink in'. I've been in a kind of suppressed denial for so long about the length and depth of struggling that there is a strong internal voice invalidating the whole thing and basically telling me to grow up and stop inventing stuff. The coping mechanism so far has always been one of deliberately forgetting and  pushing through, but I discovered in July 2020 that this method was no longer working. 

Thanks again.