Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm in my mid 20s, and I started doing this when I was 13.
Quite often, if I'm stressed or angry, I'll skip meals because I just won't feel like it. If I've screwed up, I'll punish myself by not eating.
If I'm angry with someone, my way of sticking it to them is to not eat. It's kind of me being spiteful, like "that person is angry with me therefore I'll hurt myself".
There's probably little logic to it (!) but for me, it's a form of taking back some control.
I’ve heard n repeat stress can reduce our ability to properly digest. So to err on the side of caution, always check in with biology first. You could be following your gut-brain “orders” without even being aware of it. it’s a good one to look into, how cortisol affects our gut
However, it sounds like the real matter here is playing Judge and Jury in ways that aren’t helpful. When something happens which creates a complex dissonance we either lash out or lash inward. Most go inward as lashing out can have worse consequences.
learning to stop judging yourself and judging others is crucial to well being. Often times our self judgements aren’t ours, but what someone else has instructed us and usually it’s negative. Their words have contaminated how we think about ourselves. This might be the first thing to start thinking about and writing down. Find the source of who you’ve agreed with regarding how you feel about yourself.
As a mother, I can tell you, that I have no doubt you are this wonderful person with incredible potential.
JuniperFromGallifrey said:As a mother, I can tell you, that I have no doubt you are this wonderful person with incredible potential.
That's kind of you to say. I'm not sure you would say the same if you knew me fully, but I appreciate it regardless.