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Wanting to cook but anxiety holding me back

Katy

Hi, I'm new here, and hoping that this is something some of you might understand.

I'm 28 and have autism. I struggle in such a big way with seemingly normal every day things. Because of my physical health problems I'm unable to work but I want to become more independent so like doing my own banking, my parents do this for me at the moment. And I want to start learning to cook so I can look after myself as and when I need to when my parents aren't around anymore.

But there's a problem. My anxiety. It's absolutely monstrous and it affects me in so many ways, physically and mentally. I want to learn to cook but I'm so anxious about doing it for so many reasons.

I'm worried about,

  • Giving myself and others food poisoning.
  • Burning myself.
  • Being a terrible cook. 
  • Food disagreeing with me and making me ill.

I know I shouldn't let my anxiety win and rule my life but I can't help it. It's got this bad that it always wins and I've had therapy and everything but nothing has helped me. 

I'm open to any suggestions and advice. Please help. I desperately want to be able to cook and enjoy the stuff I make. I've bought so many pots and pans, and cooking tools, but I haven't been able to use any of them yet.

  • in reply to Hergé
    Hergé said:
    Start small, plan and don't panic if it goes wrong , it doesn't really matter.

    Thank you. This is a good thing to try and remember, written it down. Starting small is a good idea. I always overthink and over plan and pretty much try to run before I can walk and that usually leads to a complete disaster and total loss of confidence as you can imagine.

    I'm going to try videos online as well and see if that helps. I have cook books I bought on eBay but I haven't really had much success there.

  • in reply to Alien0n3arth

    I've always tried on my own so far, though it wasn't cooking exactly it was making cakes but it didn't go great honestly which in itself put me off straight away.

    I do need to ask my mum if she will cook with me but chances are she will say no and list a load of reasons why I can't cook. Unfortunately she is like that, she was the same when I was trying to work. 

    I'm on the waiting list to see a therapist so hopefully soon I'll have some professional help with some of my problems and challenges.

    Your advice isn't silly, I really appreciate it. Thank you Relaxed️

  • in reply to HMO

    Possibly my mum but she is super protective of me which I do appreciate but she can be a little overprotective and it's awkward. I want to try more things on my own but I don't want to come across as ungrateful for her help and seem rude. 

    I thought maybe watching something like on YouTube but I'm not great at doing more than one thing at a time. But I'm hoping it's something I might be able to adapt to. 

    HMO said:
    I'm a similar age to you and don't really cook either for similar reasons. 

    I'm glad I'm not the only one Relaxed️

  • I'm not super bothered about the 2nd and 3rd ones, but for the other two I mostly focus on things that are relatively safe even if you don't do a perfect job. Like most vegetables are okay to eat raw, so as long as you wash them thoroughly they're not going to make you ill even if they're undercooked. It's a lot harder to give anyone food poisoning if meat isn't involved. (not that meat is super dangerous, but you have to be extra sure it's cooked through and avoid using the same things for raw meat and anything else)

  • Start with something simple, like scrambled egg on toast or something really straightforward.

    I can live on pasta as it very versatile, a simple tomato sauce is a easy good base, you can add spice or herbs, have it with various meats.

    Start small, plan and don't panic if it goes wrong , it doesn't really matter. I love to cook, it may not always look amazing but I've not poisoned myself or others yet, although I have overdone the chilli from time to time.

    If you have someone that cooks, you could help the to give yourself confidence.

  • Hi I’m so sorry you are facing such a challenge. Have you tried to start cooking with someone with you or always alone? If you tried with someone from your family, does it help for you to remind yourself, that the person who is assisting you, the person you trust, will not let you cook bad or poisonous food? The hardest thing is to start. If you can start doing it, it will come much easier but I understand that here you are at the moment. Maybe you can also try to be more compassionate with yourself, like to tell yourself even if I dont cook perfect at the first second or things time, I will finally learn it. I know it’s easy to say, hard to do. I’m sorry if my advice sounds silly, this is just what finally started working for me, when I repeated these things many times. If the therapy didn’t work for you, maybe you also consider changing a therapist? Maybe there are also issues with the approach of your family members. 

  • Welcome! Do you feel like there's someone who could help you, step by step? It might be more of use to you than, say, just reading or watching something.

    I'm a similar age to you and don't really cook either for similar reasons.