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Eye Contact

NAS77976

Hello all

I have a question about eye contact. I can make and maintain eye contact, and I remember someone telling me when I was younger that I need to make sure to "look the interviewer in the eye" when I went for interviews. Which is one of my reasons for suspecting I am autistic rather than socially anxious. I don't like eye contact, I do not understand why people feel connected by eye contact.

I've been paying attention to this recently and I have noticed that when I look people in the eye, their eyes dart all over the place. Does anyone else recognize this? I wonder if my eyes are darting around and they are trying to follow or it's just something I'm picking up on.

Parents

  • It took me long time to start looking people in the eyes, especially if they look back. It feels intrusive and also makes it harder for me to concentrate on what to say or what the person says to me. When I finally started making eye contact, it happened many times that it was extensive, like stare. someone even told me once to stop staring like that. 
    Now I make sure to make some short eye contact from time to time and I also use a trick. - I defocus my eyes or try to look generally at the person’s face, not necessarily deep in the eyes, so they don’t feel ignored. Defocusing my eyes helps me in that way that I don’t really concentrate on looking in the person’s eyes, it’s just for them to think that I’m doing it. I’m not sure how it looks from the person’s perspective, maybe they are able to catch my trick, or not, but I think it makes better impression than looking away into space. 
    it was already said in this forum, I remember but can’t find it - the reason for NTs the eye contact is so important is that this way they show interest to the other person and they also read their expressions and decode it instantly. For us this is an issue. 

Reply

  • It took me long time to start looking people in the eyes, especially if they look back. It feels intrusive and also makes it harder for me to concentrate on what to say or what the person says to me. When I finally started making eye contact, it happened many times that it was extensive, like stare. someone even told me once to stop staring like that. 
    Now I make sure to make some short eye contact from time to time and I also use a trick. - I defocus my eyes or try to look generally at the person’s face, not necessarily deep in the eyes, so they don’t feel ignored. Defocusing my eyes helps me in that way that I don’t really concentrate on looking in the person’s eyes, it’s just for them to think that I’m doing it. I’m not sure how it looks from the person’s perspective, maybe they are able to catch my trick, or not, but I think it makes better impression than looking away into space. 
    it was already said in this forum, I remember but can’t find it - the reason for NTs the eye contact is so important is that this way they show interest to the other person and they also read their expressions and decode it instantly. For us this is an issue. 

Children
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