Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi
I'm not sure the title is a good one but it's the best I could come up with.
I'm wondering if this is an autistic trait or just me and if it has a name. Sometimes, and I never know when it might happen, I feel like I shouldn't do the simplest of things until somebody gives me the permission to do it. Examples might be - not calling on my neighbours because they're not expecting it, not sending somebody a message in case they're busy, not saying hello to somebody that I know in a restaurant because they're eating. The list is pretty much endless and being added to daily.
Another problem I have is that I sometimes take instructions too literally. I doubt many will relate to this but for a telly gameshow, I was tied up and told to untie myself. I spent about 5 minutes doing just that. If they had said what they really wanted - to free myself - I'd have done it in seconds. Does this have a name?
Maybe you need to start challenging some of that behaviour on a daily basis, send a text or whatever, if someone's busy they can get back to you later and a text isn't as intrusive as say a phonecall or a knock on the door you can build up to those thiings. I'd also suggest you talk this over with a counsellor so as you can go through it step by step and explore with a degree of safety how it feels and what it brings up.
Yeah, maybe it is a learnt behaviour. I was born in the 70s and grew up in childrens homes where I wasn't allowed to do much for myself at all, not even make decisions. Maybe not so much autism then.
Thanks
Did you grow up with people telling you not to do things without asking if it was OK first? I think taking things literally can be an ND thing, but people need to be clearer about what they want you to do, in a game, how are you expected to know that untying youserf isn't part of the rules as opposed to freeing yourself, I would of been confused by that instruction too.
I do often hear "if you don't ask you don't get" but I know if I just flat out ask, I will get myself in trouble. As I have done.
It's a case by case thing. I do feel like I need someone to tell me that it's actually safe to do - it's not necessarily the rejection I fear the most, but actually just creating a huge mess.