Thinking before speaking

As an undiagosed Autist (until I hit 60) I had exactly that problem. I partially but not fully solved it by a. learning as much as I could about what I should be saying, by observing others and trying to deconsruct what was really going on by leanring a bit of useful psycholgy.I read a lot of books that were informattive but not so helpful, but one in particualr and pushed by me relentlessly every chance I get is is :Games People Play by Eric Berne. GOOD psycholgy I find cuts across the neurodiversity divide and works for all of us.

Apologising unfortunately is seen by the normies as a weakness, and is largely ineffecttive unless the driving force in you is to signify that you've already made the changes and that you acknowledge your wrongness to be absolute. Since most of us don't really understand how we messed up in the first place, let alone having a strategy in place to prevent the error happeing again, you aint going to win people back with an apology.

People skills are pretty much an extension of driving skills, and there should be courses available for us to learn and improve them.

I have decent face to face people skills when I choose to use them, and it doesn't stop me being neurodiverse, it doesn't really ease the feeling of alienation, but it DOES make me quite popular when I need to be, especially when I simply forget I'm neuro diverse, and just remember to be me. It's a lot of effrot of course and the "mask" slips badly when I am tired or ill or overstressed.

JUSt remeber the NT's aren;t perfect either, outside of the social angle they are just as frigtened and insecure as you, (which is why they hide behind "games" and rituals). JUst becuse we are not innately wired up to play the same games and rituals "by instinct" does not mean we cannot learn enough to "get by" in their world. Ideally, whilst creating a littlle bit of our own world to retreat to when things get overwhelming.

It's never going to be perfect for us Autists, that's kinda the essential nature of the condition. But it can be "quite good", if we upskill enough to be useful and productive people.

As an undiagosed Autist (until I hit 60) I had exactly that problem. I partially but not fully solved it by a. learning as much as I could about what I should be saying, by observing others and trying to deconsruct what was really going on by leanring a bit of useful psycholgy.I read a lot of books that were informattive but not so helpful, but one in particualr and pushed by me relentlessly every chance I get is is :Games People Play by Eric Berne. GOOD psycholgy I find cuts across the neurodiversity divide and works for all of us.

Apologising unfortunately is seen by the normies as a weakness, and is largely ineffecttive unless the driving force in you is to signify that you've already made the changes and that you acknowledge your wrongness to be absolute. Since most of us don't really understand how we messed up in the first place, let alone having a strategy in place to prevent the error happeing again, you aint going to win people back with an apology.

People skills are pretty much an extension of driving skills, and there should be courses available for us to learn and improve them.

I have decent face to face people skills when I choose to use them, and it doesn't stop me being neurodiverse, it doesn't really ease the feeling of alienation, but it DOES make me quite popular when I need to be, especially when I simply forget I'm neuro diverse, and just remember to be me. It's a lot of effrot of course and the "mask" slips badly when I am tired or ill or overstressed.

JUSt remeber the NT's aren;t perfect either, outside of the social angle they are just as frigtened and insecure as you, (which is why they hide behind "games" and rituals). JUst becuse we are not innately wired up to play the same games and rituals "by instinct" does not mean we cannot learn enough to "get by" in their world. Ideally, whilst creating a littlle bit of our own world to retreat to when things get overwhelming.

It's never going to be perfect for us Autists, that's kinda the essential nature of the condition. But it can be "quite good", if we upskill enough to be useful and productive people.